Cheezels!
by Yamiku
Summary: Crazy things happen when Seto has a party. Very crazy things. Like kidnappings and movie quotations. Y/Y Chapter 6...
1. The 'Tragic' Death of Anzu

Warning - This fic contains Yugi/Yami shounen-ai. If you don't like it, and intend to send death threats and whatnot, then it might be a nice idea to hit that pretty little blue arrow pointing to the left on your browser. And if you continue on to flame me, well, quite frankly, I hope someone shoots a cannon in your face, you literature-oppressing heathen! It's people like you... that are... mean... and make writers SAD. :'( See? LOOK AT THE SAD FACE!. There may be some swearing. That is all. 

Mali: Wha-hey! It's my first Yu-Gi-Oh humour fic! 

Yami: (Drinks milk) And you said you weren't gonna write one...

Mali: Well, I LIED, didn't I? So there. And Anzu kinda... sorta... dies.... so need I say- ANZU-BASHING AHEAD! BEWARE! BEWARE!

Yugi: Let me guess- you killed her to make room for mine and Yami's tense yet pretty relationship?

Yami: (Coughs suddenly, causing milk to come out of his nose) What?

Mali: Well, ya see, Yami, if Yugi likes Anzu, and Anzu likes you, then the plot is basically stuffed. But, when we take her OUT-

Yami: I KNOW THAT! 

Mali: Good on ya.

Yami: .... (Sweatdrop)

Yugi: (Snickers)

Yami: What?

Yugi: (Points at Mali, still snickering)

Mali: What?

Yugi: (Condescendingly) Well, as if YOU could manage shounen-ai....

Mali: Shaddup and go back to your old I.Q.

Yugi: (Eyes glaze over) I have pretty shoes!

Yami: ... So I get a body?

Mali: Yep.

Yami: ... COOL. Wait. I'm gonna be humiliated beyond all belief, aren't I?

Mali: If need be, then yes.

Yami: And you claim that I'm your favourite character...

Mali: If need be, then yes.

Yami: ....

Yugi: I have pretty shoes!

Mali: I like vanilla. I like vanilla. I like vanilla. I like vanilla. I like-

Yami: (Sighs and hits Mali's restart button)

Mali: (Reboots) Thank you Yami.

Yugi: I have pretty shoes!

Yami: I'm hungry... give me food damnitt. 

Mali: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, any songs, ripped-off skits or comedian routines in this fic! Have fun! :)

Cheezels!

Chapter 1 - The 'Tragic' Death of Anzu

Yugi tapped Yami on the shoulder. "Yami?" he asked. "Remember when those crazy bunny-shaped fireballs attacked?"

Yami pointed at his singed hair. "Yes. With extraordinary pain and horror." 

"Well, they took my belts and they didn't give them back." 

"They didn't ruin your hair, though, did they?" was the scathing response. "I'm scared to get it cut. I've always been scared of getting it cut, because if I do I'll look like a Christina Aguilera/lion clone that's had it's head beaten flat with a folder, now won't I?" 

"What? No, you'd look fine... sheesh. It's just a few millimeters." he paused. "Anyways, can I borrow one of yours?"

"My belts?" asked Yami.

"Yes." replied Yugi.

".... Why?" 

"Well, because I'm wearing those jeans that are in danger of falling down every time I take a step." said Yugi.

Yami stared. "And that's a bad thing?" he asked, honestly.

"Yes. Yes it is." said Yugi.

"I need my belts, though..." said Yami in despair.

Yugi blinked. "Would it make a difference if I danced for you?" he asked.

".... What?" asked Yami, eyes wide.

"Would it make a difference if I danced for you?"

Yami considered. "Well, I don't think-"

"JUST LET ME DANCE!" yelled Yugi, hitting play on the conveniently close stereo. 'Do Your Thing' by Basement Jaxx started up, and he began doing a very complicated routine.

Yami watched without blinking, wondering, "What the bloody hell?".

He watched for a bit, then thought, "Hey, he's pretty damn good!"

MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE....

Seto Kaiba ran around his kitchen, screaming about dip. 

"WHERE'S THE CHIP DIP!?" he screamed. "WHERE IS IT, WHERE IS- oh, here it is!" He took it to the next room and placed it lovingly on the snack table. "Hurray! Hurray! It's done! The snack table is done!" he cried, sounding like a complete pansy.

He ran upstairs and opened his bedside drawer, rummaging for the blue and white streamers. "La la la... oh, here they are!" Seto squealed in delight.

He found his ladder, and began hanging them in pretty patterns on the walls, while humming the French national anthem. 

Because everyone knows he just loves the French, our little Seto! Yeah, he does...

BACK WITH YUGI AND YAMI....

"Yugi?" asked Yami.

Yugi still continued to dance.

"Yugi?"

Still dancing.

"YUGI!?" yelled Yami, losing his temper and slamming the stop button.

The music stopped abruptly. 

"Sorry Yami." said Yugi, sheepishly. "It's just that... when I dance, I lose myself in the music."

_Lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it, you better never let it go..._ said the music in Yami's head. He smacked his head on the wall. "Stupid addictive songs." he whined. 

"So what are you wearing to Seto's?" asked Yugi.

"Wouldn't _you_ like to know?" smirked Yami. 

Yugi giggled.

"What?" asked Yami.

"Oh, you just had that little smirk and that seductive voice... you know..." grinned Yugi.

"Oh." said Yami, disappointed.

"... You weren't being serious, were you?" asked Yugi.

"... No... well..." Yami paused. "No." he clarified.

There was a big long awkward silence.

"Well, I'm gonna go.... get changed. Yeah. Get changed." said Yami.

He trailed off sadly.

Yugi blinked. "Was it something I said?" he asked. 

BACK AT SETO'S PLACE...

It was done!

Pretty blue and white streamers criss-crossed the ceiling and walls, there were snacks on the snack table, the liquor cabinet was locked (because this was supposed to be a clean, fun event (A/N: Keyword: SUPPOSED), and the stereo was ready to go.

And with half an hour to spare.

So you know what that means.

"Yay! I can watch The Bold and The Beautiful!" cried our soapie-loving Seto, grabbing the remote and switching the TV on.

He watched in silence for a few seconds. Then-

"Brooke's up to her old tricks again, I see. Why doesn't she just leave Ridge alone!? WHY!? Taylor just died, f'cryin out loud!" 

BACK WITH YUGI AND YAMI... (A/N: Yes, I know I haven't gotten to any of the other characters, but it will happen. It WILL!)

Yami threw his hands up in the air. "This isn't fair!" he yelled, shaking his fist in Re's general direction.

A glowing note fluttered down from the ceiling, and Yami grabbed it.

"Dear Yami," he read. "Bite me. Love Re." He paused, then scowled. "WELL, SOME GOD YOU ARE!" he cried angrily. 

There was no response.

"I'll have to see someone about converting..." he thought, then cringed.

He realized he was talking to himself. 

"I'm going crazy... it's started. The pressure is weighing in on my mind. Damn I hate this." He looked out the window. "ARGH! BUNNY-SHAPED FIRE BALLS!" he screamed, diving under the bed. 

In the other room, Yugi was attempting to watch the last fifteen minutes of Bend it Like Beckham (that he and Yami didn't get around to watching last night :D) while getting dressed. As he predicted, when he stepped to reach his shirt, his jeans began slipping down.

"Damnitt!" he hissed. 

Why? Why had he bought them? Just because it was the fashion to have your jeans three sizes bigger than what your normal one was, he didn't have to buy them. He could have kept wearing what he always wore. No one would have cared. They only care about themselves, what they look like, the poor, sad fashion victims. No one gave a damn about the kid with the purple eyes and tri-coloured hair with the incredibly shiny, trendy jeans, where the hell did he get them from? 

Yami stuck his head into the room, and noted the trouble Yugi was having with his jeans. 

"For the love of Re...." he sighed, then went to retrieve his belt. 

He opened his drawer, and immediately felt the urge to sandblast it before looking for the belt. "I never realised how messy I was." he said, perplexed. 

Of course, it wasn't him. It was those jerks from the Campbell's Soup corporation. They're out to sabotage everyone.

Especially people with tri-coloured hair.

So Yami dug through his messy drawer, 'til he found the seventh out of seven black belts that he treasured so dearly.

And now there were clothes strewn all over the floor, and the only item of clothing remaining in the drawer was a lone sock.

Yami sighed, then threw that on the floor as well. Why fight it? 

He walked out to the living room just in time to see Yugi slump onto the couch, whining, "The Chad... the Chad..."

Yami shook his head. Charlie's Angels. Again. 

He didn't really enjoy that movie, and what with Yugi's random quotations and sudden bursts of the moonwalk, it was getting really annoying. 

Yugi stuck his head up. "Hi Starfish!" he said brightly, his mood changing instantly.

"I guess the dancing made a difference..." said Yami awkwardly, handing him the belt. "Starfish?" he thought, starting to think Yugi's random quotations weren't so bad after all. 

Yugi went starry-eyed. "Thanks!" He leaped up and hugged him.

Yami stammered unintelligibly. "Um....um...ah....eee....um.....er.... modem?" he said finally, immediately giving himself a mental beating after he spoke.

Yugi looked stunned. "How do you think on that level?"

Yami stared. "What?" he asked. 

"How can you sum up things with one word that has nothing to do with the subject? It's just... wow." said Yugi.

"... Right. Yes. Okay." said Yami, now confused.

IN AN UNEXPLORED LOCATION (HUZZAH!)....

Jou struggled with his wardrobe. It wouldn't open! It was stuck! STUCK! STUCK DAMMITT! 

The cockroaches ran around in a big menacing group, singing about Jou's apartment. :)

"SHUT UP!" yelled Jou, throwing a armchair at them. They all screamed and scattered.

Jou turned his attention back to the wardrobe. Why? Why? WHY?!

"Okay, think. Remember what the counselor said, DON'T PANIC. Think. How can I get- CHAINSAW!" he cried, thinking of his plan.

He ran off, and all the cockroaches glanced anxiously around, looking for a way out.

Finally, the glorious time of six-thirty came along. And Seto was excited. Everyone else was thinking, "Food." above all else. 

Except for Yami, who was thinking about Yugi, and things that I can't go into here, lest I traumatize the little kiddies. 

Seto waited anxiously for the doorbell to ring. And suddenly-

DING-

Seto jumped up, waiting for the DONG.

Which took fifteen minutes.

"WHAT'S TAKING IT SO LONG!?" yelled Seto at the five minute mark.

Meanwhile, on the doorstep, Yami was wishing he'd brought a jacket.

"Cheezels, it's FREEZING!" he yelled.

"You just noticed now?" asked Yugi.

"I didn't know it was gonna be THIS cold..." whined Yami, which was a surprise, because Yami NEVER, EVER whined.

"Yes, well maybe you should THINK before you leave the house on a winter's night wearing..." Yugi paused, looking at his outfit. "Leather pants that... are... really clingy... and a... black-"

He was interrupted as it started raining on Yami for no particular reason. "ARGH!" he screamed, shivering.

So Yami froze for about ten more minutes, until-

-DONG!

Seto opened the door.

"Hi Seto!" said Yugi. 

Yami couldn't speak because his teeth were chattering, and he was shivering uncontrollably. Yugi began worrying when his lips started turning blue, and quickly rushed him inside.

"Cheezels...." whispered Yami, icicles forming on his hair and eyelashes. 

"Um, Seto, is there a fire anywhere?" asked Yugi nervously.

"Why, certainly. Come along Yami." said Seto, walking away. Yami followed him, shaking and babbling quietly about Cheezels.

THREE MINUTES LATER....

Yami walked out, scorched, but in some mystical way, his outfit managed to stay perfect. "Well, I nearly perished in a fireball," he said optimistically. "But at least I'm not cold anymore!" he continued brightly.

"Are you sure you're not dying!?" panicked Yugi, noting the scorch marks.

"No, I'm okay now." said Yami. He ran up the wall, across the ceiling and came back down the other side. "See?" he called, having to raise his voice as the room was so long.

Seto stared at him while he was coming back. "You're wearing a skivvy." he pointed out.

Yami blinked, then tugged at the high neck of his skivy. "So? Skivvies are back." 

Yugi grinned animatedly and sang, "SKIVVIES! ARE! BAAAAACK!" 

DING-DONG!

"It wasn't retarded that time!" exclaimed Seto, running for the door.

"Hi." said Anzu's voice.

Yami nearly threw a fit when he saw the puppy-dog look go into Yugi's eyes. He slumped into a chair and sulked as Yugi completely ignored him and went to talk to Anzu.

Damn, he wished he was in danger of contracting hypothermia again. 

The truth was, Yami just wanted attention, but no one paid him that kind of attention. No, because he was too dignified and evil! Well, he had feelings too! Just because he built up a big wall round himself, doesn't mean everyone had to ignore the fact that they could go in with the battering rams and knock it down. But no one ever thought of this, because they're all to busy with themselves, the selfish toolbags! Well, maybe once in a while he'd like to talk to real people instead of the coffee table, because, let's face it, that was the only thing that ever paid him attention! Maybe he would be better off dead! Then they would all feel bad about the fact that they ignored him, and would have to live with the fact that the last thing they ever said to him was, ".....".

Yami sulked a lot whenever Anzu was around. Much like Yugi was jubilant whenever she was around. Little did they know, she wasn't going to be around much longer.

DING-DONG!

Well, it seemed like people were arriving very fast now.

And plus, the doorknob wasn't as retarded anymore! Bonus!

Seto opened the door, and in stepped Jou, looking like the chainsaw idea had worked.

Seeing that Yami was all alone, and SULKING AGAIN, he walked over.

To which Yami simply held up a sign with a picture of a nutcracker on it that said, "SPEAK AND YOU'LL LIVE TO REGRET IT".

To which Jou walked away thinking that someone needed to lighten up, or else the world might explode. 

Yami was just in the process of thinking, "Damn, I have such a good laugh," when the bunny-shaped fireballs flew in, and skimmed over his head, causing him to yell in horror and dive under the table.

THREE SECONDS AND A PILE OF ASHES LATER...

"She's DEAD!" screamed Yugi. 

Yami stuck his head out from under the table. His eyes widened in disbelief as he surveyed the pile of ashes where Anzu had been standing.

Yugi whirled around. "SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!" he yelled.

There was silence, until Yami took out a nail file and began filing his nails. "Oh, please, Re, no." he said blankly, making it obvious his nails were the object of his attention.

Yugi glared at him. "It's not funny! She just died and now- ah, screw it, I'll get over it..." he said.

Seto blinked. "Weevil just rang and said he was gonna be a bit late." he said.

"Wow." replied Yugi, while Yami's head snapped up. "WEEVIL UNDERWOOD!?" he yelled, and Seto nodded. "Not the same weed-addicted, blue-green-haired, wannabe evil Weevil Underwood!?"

"Yep." repiled Seto.

"The horror." said Yami, sitting down once again. "Are those M&M's I see?" he asked, eyebrows vanishing into his hair.

"No, they're Skittles." said Jou, taking one and eating it. Yami pulled a face. "Skittles are feral." he said. 

He paused. "Unless they're sour. Then they're good."

Jou's face screwed up, registering an expression of pain. "Sour Skittles they be." he said, struggling to talk.

Yami's eyes lit up. "Huzzah!" he said, grabbing a handful. 

"Huzzah?" asked Yugi. "_You_ don't say 'huzzah'."

"Well, I thought I might try it..." said Yami, going all cute and sulky.

"Oh, no, don't sulk." said Yugi quickly, remembering that when Yami sulked, out came the nutcracker.

"Okay." said Yami, brightening up again.

Especially because the cleaning guy had come in with a broom and was sweeping Anzu's ashes into a trash can.

Yami laughed inwardly at this. "Trash can..." he thought.

Yugi looked at him. "What's the joke?" he asked, noting the smile on Yami's face.

Yami blinked. "Ah... well..." he thought for a few seconds. "These three women all die at the same time, and they go to heaven..."

DING-DONG!

Seto ran out of the kitchen at a hundred miles per hour and opened the door. "HI MAI!" he yelled.

"... Hi?" said Mai, moving away from him. 

"How ya going?!"

"... Same as always." said Mai at length.

"That's great! Anzu just died, and that's a problem but no one has to know about it!"

"Uh, but-" she said, pointing at the readers.

"I _said_, no one has to know about it!" hissed Seto.

"O.... kay...." said Mai, backing away slowly, remembering to smile, till she found herself at the table and sat down.

"... and the guy goes, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."" finished Yami. "Hi Mai." he said, as Jou and Yugi cracked up. 

"Damn, I good." thought Yami.

"Hi everyone." said Mai.

Yugi, who had felt safer to be on the ground in his laughter, climbed back up on his chair. "Hello!" he said brightly. 

Yami seemed to be wagering a mental battle against himself, then shrugged and sneakily put an arm around Yugi's shoulders, and Yugi turned and looked at him in disbelief. Then he smiled a little bit, and put his arm around his waist. 

Yami was, not just joyous, but JOYOUS! So very JOYOUS! OVER THE MOON, in fact. ELATED, even. ESTATIC! JUBILANT!... That's enough adjectives. We all get the point - he's happy, okay!? 

So be happy for him, because his world's gonna come crashing down in a few seconds. Then it's gonna climb its way back up. Then it will probably crash down again, and it MAY work itself back up, we'll all have to see.

DING-DONG!

Seto again ran from the kitchen to open the door, and there stood Honda.

Yugi jumped up and went over to say hi. This caused him to leave Yami's side. 

Yami was no longer JOYOUS, ESTATIC, or any other of the aforesaid adjectives. More like really pissed off with murderous thoughts running through his head, running through his head, running through his head. (A/N: t.A.T.u :D)

He made a mental note to kill Honda slowly and painfully later on, during the night, when all was dark and no one could hear him scream... 

Or at least tie him to a chair, gag him and shut him in a dark room with and play the CD format of Stephen King's _Christine_, or maybe _ IT_, or _'Salem's Lot_,or _Nightshift _on a Discman, and let an overactive imagination do its work.

Yami smacked his forehead, remembering that Honda didn't HAVE an imagination. 

"Oh, well. I guess I'll have to find another way to repay him." thought Yami, laughing evilly in his throat. 

Mai and Jou looked at him. "Mental." said Mai.

"Nutcase." agreed Jou.

"Fruitcake." put in Yami. "Hey, wait..."

Yugi and Honda approached the table, but alas! There was only one remaining seat!

Everyone stared at the lone chair.

"Okay," said Jou. "Someone's gonna have to stand up, obviously."

"They'll get tired legs." jumped in Yami, a plan forming in his mind.

Yugi looked quizzically at Yami, who just smiled.

Then it hit Yugi like a huge gush of water knocking him into the ocean (causing him to drown because he broke Rule #245 - NEVER go swimming alone) - Yami had an evil little plan behind those seemingly genuinely concerned eyes. And Yugi knew perfectly well what it was. (Well, he THOUGHT he did... little did he know, it was serious...). And it seemed fun.

Yugi gave Yami an uncharacteristic smirk, which, coincidentally, everyone saw.

And now they thought, "Just what the Cheezels is going on with those two?"

Except for Honda, who thought something along the lines of, "STRAWBERRY PIE."

Yami studied the look on Yugi's face, and grinned evilly, nodding.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Yami groaned, and whacked his head on the table.

"It's heeeeerrrre...." he said in a sing-song voice.

Strangely enough, Seto didn't come running out this time.

Yugi turned to Honda. "You can have that chair." he said, making his way over to Yami and climbing into his lap.

Now everyone was scared. "Meep."

"Um... Yami... Yugi..." said Jou.

The doorbell rang again, and continued being pressed relentlessly.

"SOMEONE GET THE DOOR!" yelled Seto.

Everyone looked at each other. 

"Yugi, why don't you go?" asked Jou.

Yugi stared. "How about no?" he repiled.

"Don't expect me to go... I'm... well..." said Yami, still grinning evilly, gesturing at Yugi and putting his arms around his waist. Everyone thought this a little bit too open, but decided to ignore it, as they were young... and... ignorant of sin... and free... and loving life... and did what they want... and didn't care what anyone thought, damn the brats!

There was silence, and everyone looked at each other.

Mai stood up. "I'll do it." she sighed.

Everyone sighed in relief as she made her to the front door and opened it.

"Hello Weevil." she said.

"What took you?" said Weevil, and Yami perked up as he noticed that his lips were blue.

"Aha, he nearly died." he thought, then settled into depression as he realised what a big opportunity had been missed.

Weevil eyed the table as Mai sat down. "Where am I gonna sit?" he asked in his annoying voice. He looked suddenly at Yami and Yugi, as if something had just clicked. "Uh..." he said.

"What?" demanded Yami. "You've never seen a guy sitting in another guy's lap before?"

He snickered inwardly as Weevil looked very scared indeed. "Uh, well..." he trailed off.

"Damn homophobe." he thought, then smirked. 

He was going to have a lot of fun tonight....

END CHAPTER 1

Mali: It wasn't that sucky, was it? 

Yami: Ah... well....

Yugi: At least you tried...

Yami: ... Yeah, I guess that's the main thing...

Mali: ... Do you think more characters would help?

Yugi: It really would be for the best to put the poor fic out of its misery. 

Mali: ... I see. 

Yugi: Good.

Mali: Wait, no, I don't.

Yugi: Well, ya see, in this world, there are good writers, and not-so-good writers, and-

Yami: Shut up. The people want to leave.

Mali: Yes, well, we'll just let THEM say if they want me to continue.

Yami: You're just delaying the inevitable...


	2. AnzuTea dies AGAIN

Warnings and Disclaimer - See chapter 1.

Mali: Hullo.

Yugi: Didn't you die?

Mali: .... No.

Yugi: Oh. Sorry. (Puts party equipment away)

Yami: That's mean.

Yugi: At least I'm not downright evil...

Yami: I like being evil. You get to do stuff.

Yugi: What sort of stuff?

Yami: Fun stuff.

Yugi: (Wanders off to ponder this)

Mali: Anyways, thanks to the reviewers. Yami Maleci, ya didn't think I'd leave Bakura and Ryou out, did ya? Nooo, I couldn't do that! They're in this chapter :) And Bakura has a silver cleaver! And Lovova, I like your thinking.... (Has plan forming in mind) 

Yami: That's MY silver cleaver, but he borrowed it... against my will...

Mali: You have a job to do.

Yami: (Sighs) Why do I have to do the freakin' disclaimer? You did it last time...

Mali: Yes, and now it's your turn.

Yami: Fine. (Monotonous) This crazy freak (points at Mali) doesn't own anything; no songs, no shows, no clothing brands, no comedic routines, no states, countries or continents of the world, no planets, no shops, no fast food outlets, no animal species, no scientific equipment; she doesn't even own herself, which I think is pretty pathetic. 

Mali: Exactly. (Eyes widen) Whaddaya mean I don't own myself?!

***

Cheezels!

Chapter 2 - Anzu/Tea dies AGAIN.

While Weevil the Evil-Wannabe was staring at Yami and Yugi in horror, Jou started to get slightly hungry. 

And that meant food, right now.

"Seto?" he asked.

"What?"

"Can we get pizza now?"

Seto sighed. "But there's still people to arrive..."

"They can go to hell!" snapped Jou. "I'm hungry!"

"Okay, okay." said Seto, turning to Yami. "Yami has the pizza money."

Yami blinked, then turned pale. "Um... well..." 

Seto glared. "What did you do with it?"

He blushed. "Ahh..."

"Where's the damn money?!" shrieked Jou, getting slightly hysterical.

"Well... up my nose..." 

"DRUGS!?" yelled Yugi, horrified, swivelling around to look at him. 

"No! No!" cried Yami. "You know how notes can be rolled up into little tubes- it's all there-" he sneezed. "Ooh, I felt it rattle."

"Yami... WHAT THE HELL DID YOU PUT IT UP THERE FOR!?" Seto exclaimed, smacking his forehead.

"Well, you said whatever you do don't lose it, and it's not gonna get lost up there, is it?"

"And how do you figure on getting it out?" asked Mai, rolling her eyes. 

Yami froze. "I never- I didn't-..." he paused, then groaned. "Craaap..." 

A scary look came into Honda's eyes. "I know how we can get it out."

"Okay, tell us." said Jou, on the verge of a breakdown.

"What about my rights?" asked Yami, annoyed.

"Rights? RIGHTS!? You shove money up your nose, for pie's sake! What makes you think that we respect your rights!?" cried Jou.

"Leave him alone!" said Yugi. "You never said we had to get it out again!" 

"Don't be dumb, you dumb-dumb." repiled Jou.

TEN MINUTES LATER...

"Well, we got them out..." said Yugi, looking concernedly at Yami, who was nursing a bleeding nose and ear. Jou grinned and held up a few blood-stained notes. "But I don't see why it was necessary to stick the fork in his ear..." 

"I feel dizzyyyyy..." said Yami, eyes shifting in and out of focus.

"Uh, guys, I think Yami's losing too much blood..." Yugi said nervously.

There was a thunk as Yami hit the floor in a faint.

"QUICK! CALL SOMEONE!" screamed Yugi, losing it completely.

Jou whapped him in the head with a chopping board. "Calm down, we're getting pizza, all will be well..."

"SCREW THE PIZZA! YAMI'S GONNA DIE! HE'S GONNA DIE AND YOU DON'T CARE! YOU DON'T CARE!"

Jou sighed. "Fine." he said, dialling his mobile. 

A few minutes later, an ambulance arrived, and left with Yami.

"Can I come too?" asked Yugi to one of the guys, looking scared.

"No, you're too short. You must be at least this tall," he gestured to the red line. "To ride."

Yugi kicked the Ming vase next to the door. "Damn me and my late bloominess!" he snapped as the ambulance drove off.

Seto screamed. "YOU BROKE IT!"

"What? No I didn't..." He picked it up. "See? It's perfectly fine."

"Oh. That's good." Seto said, as Yugi put the vase back down and walked off, giving him an irate look. 

The doorbell rang.

"Finally," said Seto, walking over and opening the door. It hit the Ming vase, causing it to smash. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, sinking to his knees and hugging the shards. Bakura and Ryou watched, blinking. 

Bakura stepped over him. "Hello to you too." he said. He looked at the others. "What's his problem?"

"Ming vase." said Jou, shrugging and pointing.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said Ryou to Seto. "You might get hurt." 

Seto looked up and hissed, and Ryou smiled nervously and started backing away. 

"Where's Yami?" asked Ryou to Yugi as he passed him.

Yugi frowned. "Jou shoved a fork up his nose and ear to get the money he had shoved up his nose out and it caused him to bleed a lot, and they took him to hospital." Jou held up the notes, grinning again. 

Ryou stared. "Seriously?" he asked.

"Yep." said Yugi brightly/

Ryou looked at Jou. "You could've used the vacuum..." 

"Didn't wanna." shrugged Jou.

"He shoves money up his nose?" questioned Bakura, amused. 

"Not usually." repiled Yugi.

"That's pretty dumb." stated Bakura, needlessly.

"Ah der, Bakura." snapped Honda.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Bakura.

"What's not wrong with him?" scathed Weevil.

"SHUT UP WEEVIL, YA EVIL WANNABE, NO ONE LIKES YOU!" yelled everyone.

"Then why did you invite me?" asked Weevil smugly.

Yugi looked at him sadly. "Because we all pity you." Everyone shouted in agreement.

"Fine! I'll leave!" snapped Weevil, walking out the open door.

"YAY!" yelled everyone.

Pegasus walked in. "Hullo." he said. 

"Awww..." they said, and Jou kicked the coffee table.

"DON'T!" screamed Seto, tackling him and proceeding to beat the living cactuses out of him. 

Yugi kicked Seto viciously in the ribs. 

"Owww...." said Seto. "What did you do that for?"

"What were you thinking?! Why did you invite him?!" yelled Yugi.

"... I didn't." said Seto.

"Oh?" said Yugi, whirling around. "So get the hell off my lawn!"

"It's not your lawn-" began Honda.

"Shut up!" snapped Yugi.

"I just came to say that wasn't an ambulance that took Yami." said Pegasus.

Yugi paused. "Say wha?"

"It was one of those evil conspiracies."

Yugi gasped. "Oh no!"

"The Super Tinkly Faeriez, in fact." 

"That's even worse!" 

Jou blinked. "The... Super Tinkly... Faeriez?"

"They prefer to be called VFD." said Pegasus.

DUM DUM DUM! 

Yugi read the script. "Uh, you read the line wrong." he said, pointing.

"Oops. Sorry. They prefer to be called STF." 

This time, there was no dramatic music.

"Where's the sound guy?" asked Honda.

"Lunch break." said Seto.

"For three seconds work?"

"It's a hard life." shrugged Seto, and Honda didn't pursue the issue any longer. 

Yugi rocked back and forth impatiently. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is all interesting, can we go rescue Yami now?"

"But- pizza!" cried Jou.

"No! Pizza later! Now we go rescue Yami!" snapped Yugi.

"Nooo..." whined everyone.

"Please?" asked Yugi, doing the infamous puppy-dog-look.

At this everyone screamed and covered their eyes.

"Don't look at him! Don't look at him, for the love of God, don't!" cried Jou.

"Well, okay..." said Seto, reluctantly.

"I just said-" began Jou.

"Shut up Jou, you selfish prat!" snapped Seto. "Now, either we all go rescue Yami, or there will be no vanilla slice!"

"AWWW!" yelled everyone. 

"Where'd Pegasus go?" asked Yugi all of a sudden.

Tea walked in.

Yugi blinked. "Didn't you... die?"

"No, you moron, that was Anzu!" snapped Tea.

"IT'S THE SAME FREAKING THING!" yelled Bakura.

"No, it's not." said Tea.

"Yes, it is!" snapped Bakura.

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is!"

"Okay, Bakura, leave Anzu be." sighed Ryou.

"Tea." corrected Tea.

"What?"

"My name is Tea."

"That's what they WANT you to think..." muttered Ryou.

"LOOK, FLYING FUDGESICLES!" yelled Yugi, pointing out the window.

Everyone fell silent and looked.

"Now, I'm gonna go look for Yami," said Yugi. "Whoever wants to come can come."

He left, slamming the door behind him.

Jou stared. "I don't see any flying fudgesicles."

Mai smacked him upside the head. "You're an idiot!" she snapped. 

"Ouch."

Ryou grabbed Bakura's arm just as he was about to bring the silver cleaver down on Tea's head. "No! There will be no axe-wielding 'til you get your license, mister!" 

Bakura made a noise of protest, but dropped the axe. "But that's two years away!"

"I don't care! You see how many people you'll kill if you don't know how to use it properly!"

".... That's kinda the point..." said Bakura, shaking his head. 

"SHUT UP!" yelled Tea.

"WHY DON'T YOU!?" shot back Bakura.

"BECAUSE!"

"WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT!?"

"WHAT!?"

"YOU SUCK AND NOBODY LIKES YOU!"

"FUNNY!"

"Alright, you two, hands on heads, and into separate corners!" Seto glared. "Now!" he said, at their noises of protest.

He watched them walk off, saying, "I don't know what's gotten into those two."

MEANWHILE, IN A DARK, SECRET LOCATION...

Yami suddenly woke up screaming, from a dream that there was no peanut butter in the world, for the dragons had taken it back to their castle on Neptune.

He was startled as a rock ricocheted of his head. "Alright," he snapped. "Who was that!? I'll fight ya! I'll fight ya's all!" 

"Welcome, Yami," said a voice, and out form the shadows stepped Rex Raptor.

Yami stared, then waved sarcastically. "Hello." he said, rolling his eyes. "Are we still on the heroin?" 

Rex chose to ignore that little dig. "I've been waiting for you,"

"Yeah, that's great Cindy-Sue," said Yami. "Do you have any peanut butter?" he asked.

"What? Oh, okay... SVEN!" yelled Rex, and a butler came in, with a jar of peanut butter. Rex handed it to Yami, who took it, unscrewed the lid, and produced a spoon. 

"Now," said Rex, as Yami began spooning out the peanut butter and eating it. "You're probably wondering why we have brought you here,"

"Not reaaaaaallllly... I'm more interested in who 'we' are." said Yami, now reading the health information of the jar. "Shit! Look at all the salt!" 

"... You mean you don't care why we brought you here?" asked Rex, confused.

"No. But, seriously, are you sure the Heart Foundation approves of this? I mean, look at the amount of salt in this jar!" He threw it to Rex, who promptly dropped it, then picked it up.

"Damn, that IS a lot of salt!" he exclaimed.

"Well, I'm not eating the rest of it now..." said Yami, blinking.

Rex shrugged and threw it in the trash can. "Anyway, since you're so curious... the Super Tinkly Faeriez consist of-"

Yami burst into a fit of hysterical laughter. "THAT'S what STF stands for?! Super Tinkly Faeries?!"

"You're saying 'Faeriez' wrong, it's spelled with a 'z'...."

This only made Yami laugh harder. He suddenly stopped. "That's old now. It's too sad to laugh at anymore..."

"Shut up!" snapped Rex. Yami rolled his eyes. "As I was saying, STF consists of me," he gestured to himself. "And an elite team of evil villains," He gestured to each of them. "Weevil Underwood," 

"Well, there goes my fun..." sighed Yami.

"-Pegasus J. Crawford, Evil Seto and Yami Clone."

(A/N: Evil Seto will be the freaky Seto that looks like Seto, not the thing that looks like it's been genetically engineered that can be summed up in one word: It.)

"Oh, yeah. 'Elites'." Yami sighed, rolling his eyes. "YOU'RE ALL WANNABES!" He glared at his clone. "Especially you! You're not even your own character, for crying out loud!"

Yami Clone stared, then ran away, crying.

"Jeez, you call that a clone?" asked Yami, shaking his head.

"Well, we could never get the personality right..." said Weevil huffily.

"Now, we're going to leave you alone. Break out if you wish." said Pegasus, smirking evilly.

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't wanna." repiled Yami, folding his arms and sitting on the chair.

"Your choice..." said Evil Seto, and the 'evil villains' left the room, closing the door behind them.

Yami waited a few seconds, then opened the window and climbed out, thinking, "Morons. Everyone knows reverse psychology doesn't work on me..." 

BACK INSIDE THE DARK, SECRET LOCATION...

"Yep, reverse psychology gets 'em every time!" said Rex.

Weevil looked the the security monitor. "No, it doesn't..." 

STF made their way over to the screen.

"Rex!" cried Pegasus. "That's the last time we take your advice and leave a prisoner in a room without locking the windows and leaving him unbound!"

"I don't c-care, as long as he doesn't make f-fun of m-me anymore..." snivelled Yami Clone.

"Oh, shut up, you stupid little whinger. I regret creating you now..." sighed Evil Seto, shaking his head. (A/N: So we can tell the difference, we'll just call Evil Seto by the name of 'Kaiba'...)

Yami Clone immediately burst into hysterical tears.

"Kaiba..." sighed Weevil. "You know what Yami Clone's like..." 

"Yeah, well, he should get more of a thick skin!" sniped Kaiba, folding his arms. 

"Carrie." said Weevil pointedly.

Kaiba shivered. "Don't mention that movie. Please. I couldn't sleep...."

Everyone rolled their eyes, even Yami Clone, who had his face in a tissue.

MEANWHILE, ON A SIDE-WALK NOT FAR FROM SETO'S...

Yami walked along, humming _The Remedy _by Jason Mraz. What a nice song it was. 

Then he thought it might be nice to run backwards, and he did so.

Yugi looked up as Yami smashed into a street sign. "Oww..."

"YAMI!" screamed Yugi, running over and hugging him. "WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?! WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU?! DID YOU SEE THEIR FACES OR WERE THEY ALL VEILED IN SHADOW WITH RED EYES LIKE IN THE EARLY EPISODES?!"

"I've been in some house, they did nothing, but they did try reverse psychology-"

"Idiots." snapped Yugi. "Everyone knows that doesn't work on you."

"-And STF consists of Weevil, Rex Raptor, Pegasus, Evil Seto (but now we call him Kaiba so things don't get all "What the?) and Yami Clone."

Yugi snorted with laughter. "I couldn't see THAT coming..." he said sarcastically.

They both cracked up, then there was an awkward silence.

".... Um... Yugi?" said Yami hesitantly.

"... Yes?" asked Yugi, as a thought entered his mind.

"... I think I- I lo-"

"Yugi! Yami!" came Ryou's voice.

Yami kicked the street sign. "Cheezels!" he hissed. He looked back suddenly. "Hey... when did you get here?" 

"A while ago. I thought I'd come look for you."

"Oh. Thanks, Ryou." said Yami.

And they set off back to Seto's.

BACK AT SETO'S...

"Look, it's the money-snorter!" exclaimed Bakura, smirking.

"Leave him alone!" snapped Tea.

Yami stared in horror. "NO!" he screamed. "YOU DIED!"

"No, silly, that was Anzu. But now we can be together! Isn't that fabulous?!" cried Tea, glomping him.

Yami looked desperately at Bakura. "Get. It. Off. Me." he snarled. 

Bakura stared, then burst suddenly into maniacal laughter, and pulled out his silver cleaver. 

"NO BAKURA!" yelled Ryou.

FIVE SECONDS LATER...

"... Well, that was traumatizing." said Jou.

Yami grinned, blood spattered all over him. "Ding-dong, the witch is dead-"

Mai and Bakura joined in, starting a conga line. "Which old witch? The wicked old witch! Ding-dong the wicked old witch is deeeeeaaaaddd, hehehehehehe!"

Jou, Honda, Ryou and Seto stared in trauma, then looked at Yugi.

Yugi shrugged. "Why fight it?" He jumped towards the karaoke machine and grabbed the microphone. "CEEEEEL-E-BRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!" 

"You're all sick!" cried Seto, shaking his head.

END CHAPTER 2

Mali: Yeah, that was a bit shorter.... oh well. Hopefully it didn't bomb :D.


	3. What Did I Do?

Warnings - Same as previous chapters, only with R/B! Yay!

Mali: It's Chapter 3. Huzzah.

Yami: I'd like to point out that in this chapter-

/The box! THE BOX!/ means hikari to yami;

//The box! THE BOX!// means yami to hikari;

"The box! THE BOX!" means speech.

Mali: Okay, disclaimer time!

Yugi: Whatever. This person doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh!, the Belgians, songs, comedic routines, the registered trademark of Pepsi, Misery, Kathy Bates, Yami's belt, the phrase 'Go you little beauties!', Argentina, Russia, America, World War II, the Pope, Arch Duke Ferdinand, insider trading, the right to prance around making everyone shounen-ai couples OR the French Open at Roland Garros.

Mali: Yeah, rub in why don't ya.... thanks to the reviewers!

***

Cheezels!

Chapter 3 - What Did I Do?

Seto gestured to the display of goriness currently on the ground. "Look at my carpet!"

"You have to admit, she _was_ annoying." Mai sighed. 

Seto considered. "I suppose..." 

Bakura was cleaning his cleaver with a dish towel. "Pretty red liquid..." he said, smiling. Ryou sighed and sprayed him in the face with mace.

"I said you're not allowed to use that 'til you get your license!" he snapped, as Bakura screamed and began clawing at his face. 

The cleaning guy was obviously very cranky. These people were so messy; what with the ashes, and the blood, and the cartilage, and the fragments of internal organs, and the semi-intact corpses... he seriously hoped he was getting overtime for this!

Yami was depressed, as his big chance to confess to Yugi had been destroyed. 

But Yugi wasn't dumb. He could piece together what he was going to say.

And now it all made sense; the diary entries, the movies they had watched together, the underhanded flirting, the sudden appearances in his room as if he were going to say something, then running out, the crankiness whenever he went somewhere without him, the crankiness whenever Anzu/Tea was around, the attempted murders whenever someone picked on him or tried to hit on him, and let's not forget that time when he came up and kissed him for no particular reason, claiming to be drunk off orange juice.

And, as Yugi found when he inspected the bottle, it was non-alcoholic orange juice, too. 

So while he pondered what to do, Yami sat in the kitchen cupboard and sulked.

"Stupid Ryou and his stupid obsession with caring for his friends, ruin my chance of getting together with Yugi, whyioughta..." 

Bakura opened the cupboard. "You know, just because you're in a cupboard, doesn't mean no one can hear you."

"Whoopde-frickin-doo." snapped Yami, glaring at him.

"You know, I can help you..." said Bakura slyly, entering the cupboard.

"Yeah." scoffed Yami. "For what price?"

"I want seven locks of your hair." said Bakura, business-like.

"..._Why_?" asked Yami.

"Well, I'm short on cash and you know those Rabid Fan-Girls... scouring EBay seventeen hours a day..." 

"Sell your own damn hair." said Yami. "Der." he said as afterthought.

Bakura blinked. "I knew that. I was just seeing if you'd realise... because I have more fans than you."

"Sure." said Yami, rolling his eyes. "Hey, tell me the truth... do I have a good laugh?"

Bakura snorted. "No, it's crap." _Stupid Yami with his stupid evil laugh that sounds so good..._ he thought.

Yami grinned. "Well, you're opinion doesn't worry me, so nyahh!" he stuck his tongue out, exited the cupboard and slammed the door so it smacked Bakura in the face.

"Owww..." he said, rubbing his still stinging eyes. "I DIDN'T NEED THAT!" he yelled.

Yami ran into the dining room. 

"Hey, look! It's Yami!" cried Jou, pointing.

"Aw, nah, Jou," said Ryou sarcastically. "It's Seto's mum." Yami glared, and Ryou raised his hands, grinning. Yami then grinned back, and did eight spectacular cartwheels, screwing up the ninth one and falling on his butt, causing everyone to go, "Aww..." in pity and clap appreciatively. 

"Leave my mother out of this!" snapped Seto.

Ryou rolled his eyes. "I wasn't insulting anyone." he said. "Jou was just being dumb."

"Damn straight." replied Jou, folding his arms.

There was a piteous silence, then Yami began singing quietly, while holding a potted plant, "Or pretend, or pretend, or pretend... to be a treeeeeee..." 

Yugi whispered, "Yami, that's a cactus, not a tree..."

Yami glanced at it. "Shit."

"Hey, should he be swearing while Mokuba's here?" asked Honda.

"Der, Honda, Mokuba _isn't _here..." said Mai, rolling her eyes.

"Seto, where's Mokuba?" asked Yugi, turning to the blue-eyed person.

Seto shrugged. "How should I know?"

"Well, he IS your brother. Don't you love him?" asked Jou.

Seto stared. "That's a joke, right?" 

"... No."

Yami looked thoughtful. "I had a brother once..." 

"Had?" asked Yugi.

"Well, even though he'd be dead now, he got in the way of my plan to take over Egypt, so, naturally, he had to go." said Yami, looking out the window in boredom. 

Everyone stared at him.

"If Bakura hadn't just hacked Anzu/Tea to death just then, I might have been traumatized." said Seto, and everyone nodded.

Bakura ran in, grinning evilly.

He approached Yugi. "Hi." he said.

"... Hi." replied Yugi, blinking. What he said next was muffled by Bakura's lips against his own. "Mrff-mphh!?" His eyes suddenly went wide and panicky.

"I'm being sexually assaulted, ahhh, ahhhhhh, AHHHHH!" he thought.

/Yami!/

//What, WHAT!?//

Yami whirled around, started for a second, then screamed something long in Egyptian, which evidently scared Bakura, who pulled back from Yugi, staring at Yami in horror. 

"Don't do that!" he yelled. "Anything but that!" 

Ryou was also ticked off. He shoved Bakura into the wall, and slapped him, saying, "What's the matter with you?! You don't go and pash other people when you're with someone else! Especially if that someone else happens to be ME!" 

Everyone gasped at this revelation. 

"Whoa." Jou said, overwhelmed. "They're together!"

Yami rolled his eyes. "What did you expect? That's the way it is with yamis and hikaris..." 

Everyone noticed that Yami had latched himself around Yugi's waist. Seto gave him a weird look.

"Mine." hissed Yami.

"It's okay, Yami," said Seto, nervously. "You can keep him."

Yugi was very happy with all the attention he was getting. There really was no need to be hyper all the time, he thought, when Yami was perfectly willing to fawn over him every second of the day.

"I'm so very disappointed in you, 'Kura," said Ryou to Bakura.

Bakura threw his arms up. "Get over it! It was only a kiss!"

"Fine," said Ryou. "But I'm sleeping on the couch when we get home."

"Will there be whipped cream?" asked Bakura hopefully.

"No, 'Kura, there won't." 

"Aww!" whined Bakura, while everyone, except for possibly Yami, was disgusted.

"We don't need you discussing what you two do behind closed doors, okay!?" yelled Seto. "This is supposed to be a good clean fun get-together!"

"Yeah, SUPPOSED..." muttered Yugi. 

"Hey, why does quicksand suck you in deeper if you struggle?" Jou wanted to know.

"Because quicksand's gay." replied Honda.

"I resent that!" cried Yami, folding his arms. Ryou and Bakura nodded.

"Do you like Yugi, Yami?" asked Jou, suddenly.

"Maybe." 

"Aw, look, shut up and leave him alone!" snapped Yugi, glaring at him.

"Hey, who wants a Cornetto?" asked Seto, thinking that things were getting a little too hostile.

Everyone cheered.

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

Yugi blinked, gesturing to his ice-cream. "Hey, does anyone like the nuts?"

"Yeah." said Ryou.

"I'll trade you my nuts for your bottom?" asked Yugi, and Yami and Ryou cracked up.

"Gots a problem?" snapped Yugi.

"What you just said..." grinned Yami.

Yugi thought about this, then giggled, blushing furiously.

"Oh, for God's sake!" snapped Seto. "Do you really have to be perverted about ice-cream? Jeez..."

"I can do many things with ice-cream..." smirked Yami, causing Yugi to giggle again. 

There was a sudden crack, and everyone went silent. 

"What was that?" asked Yugi, looking at Seto. 

"Kamikaze pigeons?" suggested Seto.

"Seriously, what was it?" 

"_I_ don't know..."

UPSTAIRS...

Yami Clone crawled in through the window, hoping they hadn't noticed he'd knocked one of the panes loose, causing it to fall down and smash Annie Wilkes' ghost in the head. 

That stupid Yami! He'd made him cry! His so-called associates already didn't like him, and now they all thought he was a wuss!

Well, he'd get his revenge.

He just had to think of his plan first... 

Yeah, a plan...

Which would involve silk-screening in some way.

"Ah, yes." said Yami Clone evilly. "It's all coming together now..."

DOWNSTAIRS...

"It probably _was_ a kamikaze pigeon, but they leave after a while." shrugged Jou.

Everyone followed him in his shrugging, then resumed conversing.

"Hey, Yami, do you reckon you could go take Egypt back?" asked Yugi.

"Legally or by force?" replied Yami, swirling his finger around in his ice-cream.

"Legally." confirmed Yugi.

Yami thought about this, sucking on his finger. "...Well, shee, evryone thinksh I died, and shome other guy probably got it." he explained around the digit.

"But you didn't die." reminded Yugi.

"As if it'd happen, anyway. It'd be like, "Alright, people, I ruled this place five thousand years ago, and I'm taking it back.". And then everyone laughs and I go home to cry."

"Right. Well, use your magic and explode them all."

"Yes, but that would be taking it by force."

"I see..."

They fell into a silence, then Yugi perked up.

"What if you-"

"Shut up about world domination..." sighed Mai.

"Yeah, well, maybe YOU should shut up about shutting about world domination." jumped in Honda.

"Maybe you should shut up about shutting up about shutting up about world domination!" yelled Yugi.

Honda fell silent, confused.

"You go now." said Yami, waving his hand. "Shoo! Be gone, you're irritating my hair..." he continued, running his fingers through his silky, gorgeous black-burgundy-blonde hair, which at that moment, Yugi loved.

"Yami, can I touch your hair?" he asked suddenly, a red tint spreading across his cheeks.

Yami looked surprised. "Well... yeah, if you want to..." 

So Yugi ran his fingers through Yami's hair, and Yami felt a nice, warm, sunshiney feeling.

Possibly, this was due to the fact that Honda was shining a spotlight on them, but at least he was warm.

Jou rolled his eyes. "This is getting too sappy for my liking... where's the thing that comes in and splits you two up, then there's this big fight, and then you get back together and all this sappy crap happens then you go off into another room to consummate your love?"

Yami looked at his imaginary watch. "In about five, ten minutes." he said.

"Oh, okay. Thanks." grinned Jou.

"That's alright."

He then performed 'Innocent Eyes' by Delta Goodrem on the keyboard, and received a standing ovation. 

"Never 'ad one lesson." he grinned, and everyone was stunned. 

"Yeah, well, I can play air guitar..." grumbled Honda, obviously jealous.

Yami raised his eyebrows. "I can play guitar full stop. How's that?"

"Sure you can..."

"I CAN." insisted Yami.

"Prove it." replied Honda.

"No." snapped Yami, glaring at him. 

"Fine." said Honda, giving up.

"E minor rules..." Yami said, gesturing to the button he had magically made in the last five seconds. 

"'Support E Minor or I'll bash ya'..." read Mai. "Good on ya, Yami." 

Yami grinned and made the peace sign. "Yeah, good on me." 

Yugi blinked. "Yeah, that's cool and everything. But when are you gonna start stripping?"

Yami shrugged, then jumped. "Say wha?" 

"Stripping." Yugi said, and Yami looked stunned.

"Ah... when did I say I was planning to do that?" asked Yami.

"You didn't."

Yami considered this. "Fair enough." he said, hitting play on the CD player, and beginning to dance, making cheers issue from everybody.

"I'll go get the pizza, shall I?" asked Seto. A second later one of Yami's belts thwacked him in the head. He took this as a yes, and left.

MEANWHILE, IN THE DARK SECRET LOCATION...

"Where's Yami Clone?" asked Pegasus suddenly, and everyone looked at him.

"Are you mad? Do you care where he is?" asked Weevil incredulously.

"... He owes me a sundae..." mumbled Pegasus.

"He owes all of us a sundae. Do you honestly believe any of us are going to see our sundaes?" asked Rex, raising an eyebrow.

"... You're right. I'm sorry for being stupid." Pegasus sighed. 

Evil Seto was curled up on the couch, reading _Misery_ by Stephen King. He suddenly threw the book away, screaming.

"What now?" asked Weevil.

"The guy got his head run over with a lawn mower...." shivered Evil Seto. 

"Well, that didn't happen in the movie!" exclaimed Rex.

Everyone stared. "You actually watched the movie?"

"I like Kathy Bates..." said Rex in his defence.

"Fine, fine..." sighed Weevil.

"The other night I was drinking fruit juice." said Pegasus for no particular reason. 

Everyone stared. "Right."

Rex rolled his eyes. "Yeah... 'fruit juice'..." he sneered.

Evil Seto looked at the TV. "Oh, look! It's an all-Belgium final at the French Open!" he cried.

"Aw, go you little beauties!" yelled Weevil, diving for the TV. "... I thought you said it was all-Belgium?"

"It is."

"Then where's Venus?"

"... Venus is Russian, you stupid waddel..." sighed Evil Seto.

"Is waddel a word?" whispered Pegasus to Rex.

"I don't think anyone cares anymore..." repiled Rex. "And Venus isn't Russian- she's American..."

"I thought she was Argentinean!" cried Pegasus. 

"No..." sighed Rex.

"Um, Rex..." Pegasus said after a brief pause. 

"What?" asked Rex.

"Well... I was thinking... that... I really... like cheese." 

Rex stared. "... And I care because....?"

MEANWHILE, BACK AT SETO'S...

BOOM!

Yami froze. "What the hell was that!?"

"The CD player just went boom..." Yugi said, eyes wide and staring at the smoking rubble. 

The semi-clad Yami sat down. "Well, that does it... I can't continue..."

"Aw, bugger..." grumbled Yugi, then realising his yami was shirtless. 

"Eh, it ain't so bad..." he thought, grinning. 

Yami looked around. "Who has my skivvy?" he asked.

Bakura whistled innocently. "I wonder who, indeed..." he said.

Yami raised an eyebrow. "Give it back."

"Aw, look, I don't have it!" cried Bakura, withdrawing his hands from behind his back.

"'Kura..." Ryou scolded.

"I don't!" insisted Bakura. "If you need proof, strip search me!"

"Ooh, yes, please..." Ryou smirked, evidently forgetting about the kiss. Bakura grinned. 

"Well, who has it?" Yami glared at everyone. 

There was silence.

Yugi jumped up. "I'll go get one of Seto's shirts..."

Yami watched him go upstairs. "How does he know where Seto keeps his shirts?" he asked suspiciously.

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Look, you idiot, the chance that Seto and Yugi would actually go out with each other is very small..."

"So?" Yami said sulkily.

"Oh, don't start sulking." snapped Bakura. "We all know that Seto likes Jou, anyway..."

Jou's jaw dropped. "What?" 

"It's a bit obvious." Bakura rolled his eyes.

"Oh, leave them alone, 'Kura..." Ryou sighed, smiling. 

Honda mimed vomiting. "You're making me sick..."

"Shut up, ya bloody heterosexual..." muttered Ryou, glaring at him.

UPSTAIRS...

Yugi had walked into the dark bathroom after hearing a noise. He flicked the light. "Yami?" he asked at the sight of Yami Clone sitting in the shower.

He glanced up. "Go away, I'm plotting."

Yugi blinked. "I thought you were downstairs." 

"Well, I'm not, so get lost."

Yugi glared. "Fine, you stuck-up bastard of a yami!" He walked out, turning out the light as he went.

BACK DOWNSTAIRS...

Jou suddenly began coughing, and Honda whacked him on the back, until Yami's black skivvy exploded out of his mouth.

"There's your skivvy." pointed Honda.

"Aw, nah..." sighed Yami, looking dejectedly at the slobber-ridden shirt. "Look at it! It's ruined!"

Yugi suddenly stormed downstairs. "Yami is such a basta-" He froze, eyes focused on Yami. "You're upstairs!" he cried.

Yami looked around. "What?" he asked, confused.

"You were just upstairs."

"... No, I wasn't."

Yugi scowled and rolled his eyes. "Fine. I don't care. Be like that." He slumped into a chair.

"Yugi, what's wrong?" asked Yami, looking upset. "What did I do?"

Yugi rolled his eyes again, ignoring him.

Ryou looked mortified. "No! Not now! Not when they've just... argh... 'Kura, do something!" 

Bakura thought about this. "I could start World War III." 

"... I don't think that would help, somehow..." Ryou said.

Honda leaned over to Ryou. "Your g-string is showing," he whispered.

"I'm not wearing a frickin' g-string..." Ryou hissed. Honda became embarrassed and locked himself in a closet.

Yami was attempting to get Yugi to talk to him. "Yugi? Aibou? Talk to me, please, what did I do?"

Yugi had his head resting in one hand and was clearly not listening. 

"He looks really pissed." Mai observed.

"Yugi, please tell me-" Yugi jumped in before Yami could finish.

"Jou, tell Yami to leave me alone," he snapped.

"Yami, leave Yugi alone." Jou said. Yami glared angrily.

"Actually, come here and sit down." Yugi said, and when Jou did so, he climbed into his lap.

"Um..." Jou said, looking uncomfortable.

Yami looked absolutely crushed, then scowled.

"Fine. Go screw Jou for all I care." he snapped, then sank onto the couch, looking pissed off.

"... Yugi, should I know something?" asked Jou.

Yugi swivelled and batted his eyelashes. "No." he said quietly.

Ryou blinked. /Kura, this is very very wrong./

//Yes.//

/We have to do something./

//Indeed.//

/Soon./

//I know.//

/Any ideas?/

//Start World War III?//

/No, Kura. No mass destruction, no assassination of Arch Duke Ferdinand, the Pope, no insider trading, no smear campaigns. No wars./

//Aww...//

Yami's radiated hatred as he looked at Yugi and Jou. He played lazily with his hair as he thought of ways to kill Jou.

//Ooh, he's thinking up clever plots to kill Jou.//

/How do you know?/

//Look at his eyes.//

Yami smirked. 

Spilling blood was oh so fun. Especially if it happened multiple times in the same night.

//He's gonna kill Jou.//

/You think so?/

//Hell yeah. Look at that smirk. You can just see the ride-on mower written in it.//

/... I don't wanna know..../

//Yes you do. See, in Misery-//

/Shut up, Kura, I don't wanna hear it..../

//Fine.//

Ryou didn't feel too good about what Yami had in store for Jou, to say the least...

END CHAPTER 3!


	4. Score One For The Happy Dance

Mali: Well. 18 reviews. Yay. (Does the happy dance)

Yugi: GIVE IT A REST WITH THE GOD DAMN HAPPY DANCE!

Yami: Oh, let her have her fun, Aibou, she has a sad life...

Mali: Hey, do you wanna go watch the sunrise with Jamie or not?

Yami and Yugi: We'll be good.

Mali: Good boys. (Pats them on the head)

Yami: (Grumbling) This is so degrading...

Yugi: Tell me about it...

Mali: Sooo... thanks to; The Ice Queen, Yami Maleci, lovova, Princess Strawberry, fantasychick, Neon (ya bloody nutcase ;D), Kurayami Ryuu, Dragonia, Shortyredd17, britt0298, nife, DustyStars and yugiohlover- youse all rock!

Yugi: She don't own nothin'...

Cheezels!

Chapter 4 - Score One For The Happy Dance

Ryou sighed as Yami yelled another sudden insult at Jou.

"You're like Rich Fidler on acid, that's what you're like!" he snapped bad-temperedly. 

"..Who's Rich Fidler?" asked Jou, confused.

"Some guy..." Ryou said, straining to remember. "I vaguely remember... two other guys... and a guitar... and laughter..."

"No one cares-" Yugi began to sigh, before he was interrupted by a sudden guitar riff.

"_**Funk you**!_" sang Yami. "_And funk your mother!_ _Funk your sister, funk your aunty and funk your little brother! And when you've learned how to... funk one another, don't leave that groovy thing thing on the she-elf.. go home to the one-_"

"Yami, shut up." Mai said impatiently.

Yami slammed the guitar down, scowling. 

Unfortunately, this caused it to smash.

"Oh, shit." Yami whispered, horrified.

Yugi started laughing. "That was smart..."

When Yami made no reply save for staring at the guitar with his eyes wide and mouth slightly open, Ryou snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"I think he's gone into ketosis..." he said nervously, after Yami continued to sit there in paralysis. 

"Do you even know what ketosis is?" asked Jou incredulously.

"... Well, no..." admitted Ryou.

"AHA, you dumbass." grinned Jou.

"Do you know what it is?"

Jou blinked. "Um..."

Ryou smirked. "That's right, Jou, you don't... so _YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH! HOW CAN YOU SAY... I GO ABOUT THINGS THE WRONG WAY?! I AM HUMAN_ _AND I NEED TO BE LOVED... JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE DOES! SEE I'VE_-"

Honda emerged from the closet and smacked Ryou in the head. "Shut up! You're the worst singer in the world!"

Bakura glared. "Say that again, Honda." he hissed. 

"You're the worst singer in the world."

BANG!

"That's what ya get for insulting Ryou." Bakura grinned evilly, dusting his hands off.

"Honda, before you go, there's something I want you to have..." Honda said deliriously, surrounded by the rubble that used to be the stereo. "Oh, it's beautiful! But, wait a minute... isn't this...?"

"Seto is NOT gonna like that..." Mai sighed. 

"Like what?" asked Yugi.

How cute was it when Bakura protected Ryou like that?

But he was fighting with Yami, so he could forget about that...

"The guitar and the stereo, dead, allllll gone..." Mai said crazily.

Yugi cast his eyes over Yami to find him still staring at the broken guitar.

"Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Yami had uncovered his true self; the retard..." he sighed, struggling to keep the playful grin off his face.

Ryou made an annoyed noise in his throat. 

/I am THIS far from shutting them in a closet./

//... Mmm... out for a little 'entertainment', are we? Gonna get the video link-up, are we?//

/I don't mean THAT!/

//You expect them to make up in a CLOSET? Make out in a closet, yes, but not make up in a closet. It's not right.//

/Yeah, okay, whatever, keep your pants on.../

//What if I don't want to?//

/..... NO!/

//Alright, alright...//

/And, besides, if we get them back together before Seto gets back, the author said her cousin's gonna take us down to the beach to watch the sun rise./

//Ooooh....//

MEANWHILE, BACK WITH OUR EVIL WANNABES...

"_I am Pegasus_..." sang Pegasus. "_My name means horse_... _and I can_... _fly-hi with you_... _but I've changed my course_..."

"Pegasus, it's funny the first three times, but after it hits the thousand mark, it really pisses everyone off!" snapped Weevil.

"Weevil, just hearing you speak pisses everyone off..." retorted Evil Seto, who was giving himself a French manicure.

"Yeah, well, watching you give yourself a pansy make-over pisses me off!" yelled Weevil.

"Aha. Not funny. I happen to like clean nails." Evil Seto flicked his eyes over Weevil's nails. "Eww..." he shuddered. "Look at the dirt and the LED and the dried bug guts..." 

Some guy opened the door. "Uh, you're on in five, Miss Goodrem."

Delta looked up. "Ah, thanks." she said shyly. Then music started up. "_My innocent eyeees_..." she sang eerily. "_I miss those days, and I miss those wa-ays... when I got-_"

Evil Seto scowled. "Look, Delta, we said you couldn't do your film clip here."

Delta pouted. "Aw, please?" she asked, batting her eyelashes.

"No, Delta. Now get out," he pointed out the door.

Delta jumped up. "Fine. But you don't get any profits from my single." She stormed out.

"LIKE IT'LL BEE A HIT!" called Evil Seto, rolling his eyes. "Annoying little Croatian upstart."

"She's not Croatian..." snapped Rex.

"What is she then, Rex?" Evil Seto sighed, exasperated.

"Australian." 

Evil Seto snorted at this. "As if!" he cried, shaking his head.

"No, she is." said Pegasus.

"No one asked you!" yelled Evil Seto.

"Shaddup, Mr. Crankypants..." mumbled Pegasus.

But no one heard him.

"Well, DUH!" screamed Rex. "HE JUST MUMBLED, FOR GOD'S SAKE! OF COURSE WE'RE NOT GONNA HEAR HIM!"

"REX! HAVE SOME GOD DAMN PARACETAMOL INFESTED CAPSULES AND GO TO SLEEP!" yelled Pegasus.

"STOP YELLING!" cried Weevil.

"WHY DON'T YOU STOP YELLING?!" Pegasus shot back.

"'CUZ I DON'T WANNA!" 

"_Go shorty, it's your birthday, we're gonna_-" sang Rex all of sudden.

Evil Seto threw a tray of custard puffs at him. "Shut the hell up! You know I hate Fifty Cent!"

"NO!" shrieked Weevil. "MY CUSTARD PUFFS! I MADE THOSE FOR GRANDMA!"

"Are you nuts? I fed one to my goldfish, and now he's closer to God." Evil Seto sighed, shaking his head.

"I hate my Grandma." explained Weevil.

"Ahhh..." nodded Evil Seto.

MEANWHILE, UP IN THE BATHROOM...

Yami Clone drummed his fingers on the shower door. What he was doing in the shower is anyone's guess, but all that mattered was that he had not thought of a plan for vengeance.

And he had to do so.

Maybe t.A.T.u would help.

Sadly, t.A.T.u were in Russia, so they couldn't help.

How he remembered the days when him, Julia and Lena would run through the fields of barley, where the west wind-

Hang on, that wasn't his life. That was the Sting song.

"Damn, there must be something I can-" He froze, then grinned. "Rebecca." he said evilly. "Ah, yes, Rebecca. Why didn't I think of it before?"

"Dude..." sighed Malice, suddenly appearing in a flash of red light. "Why don't you just resurrect Anzu as well?"

Yami Clone glanced into Malice's brown eyes. "Good idea. Now rack off. I told you to leave me alone."

Malice scowled. "Fine." he sniffed. "Just don't expect any more help..." He vanished.

Yami Clone rubbed his hands together. "Mwahaha..." he giggled evilly.

DOWNSTAIRS...

Yami jerked out of his stupor with a shriek. "NO, NOT REBECCA!" he screamed, twitching.

Jou stared. "Yeah, I hate her, too..." 

Yami shook him roughly. "No, you nutjob knobend excuse for an intelligent life-form, Yami Clone's gonna set Rebecca and Anzu on me to get revenge!" He buried his face in his hands. "Oh, Re, oh no, this isn't fair, damnitt, this is so gay-"

Ryou snapped, "Yami, I understand you're upset, but please don't use homosexuality as a derogatory term. It's not right."

Yami trembled. "I know, I know, you're right, I'm sorry. I'm just panicky."

Yugi blinked. Yami Clone? Since when did...

Holy shit.

It all made sense now! It wasn't Yami in the bathroom... it was his CLONE!

Bakura looked at his non existent watch. "Gee... I think it's time I went to consult the author about something... I'll be back soon..." He walked through the wall.

Yugi stared. "Whoa, how did he do that?"

Yami sighed. "It's like a vortex to another dimension, but apparently it's all crazy and psychotic in there, so I'd keep away." 

Yugi stuck his head through the wall, then immediately pulled back, shuddering. "Once is enough, thanks..." he said, shaking his head.

Yami looked concerned. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Yugi shivered. "Um, I'm just a little scared. Hold me, please?" Yami hesitated, then hugged him.

"VICTORY!" yelled Ryou, collapsing onto the couch, grinning.

Yami and Yugi stared. "Yesss, Ryou..." Yugi said, a little bewildered.

"Now kiss and make up. Go on. Say sorry for being stupid." Ryou waved them on.

Yugi blushed. Yami glared at everyone. "Yeah, well, get lost. All of you." 

"Aw, but-!" cried Ryou.

"Out." Yami said firmly.

Everyone left, grumbling.

"At least we get to go to the beach and watch the sunrise with Jamie!" said Ryou brightly.

"Who's Jamie?" asked Mai, blinking owlishly.

"He's- actually, maybe I should let you find out yourself..." Ryou mused. "Now shaddup." he said, activating the video link-up.

BACK IN THE DINING ROOM...

"Yami, I'm sorry I got so worked up about nothing." Yugi said shamefully.

Yami shook his head. "No, don't. It's not your fault. You didn't know about Yami Clone or anything."

Yugi shrugged. "Forgive me?" he said, smiling shyly.

Yami grinned. "'Course I do." he said, pulling him into an embrace. He tilted his chin up, and leaned in-

BACK IN THE HALLWAY...

"Aw..." Ryou sobbed, in hysteria. "That is so cute!"

Everyone held their breath.

"Ohmigodohmigodohmigod they're gonna kiss!" Ryou shrieked from behind his hand while doing the happy dance.

YET ANOTHER TRIP TO THE DINING ROOM...

Bakura emerged through the wall."Well, that didn't go according to-"

Yami suddenly pulled away from Yugi, and gave Bakura an acidic look. 

Bakura's eyes widened. "Oooh, sorry!" he apologized. "I'm sorry! I've screwed it now- oh Re- sorry sorry sorry..."

"'KURA!" screamed Ryou's voice.

Bakura backed out, looking embarrassed. 

AND AS WE GO BACK TO THE HALLWAY...

Ryou grabbed Bakura's arm. "THEY WERE THIS CLOSE!" he hissed, holding up his thumb and forefinger to demonstrate. "THIS CLOSE AND THEN YOU CAME IN!"

"Ryou, leave Bakura be. He couldn't help it, ya know..." sighed Mai, shaking her head. 

Ryou folded his arms and pouted. 

"I'm sorry!" snapped Bakura. "Bash me!" He winced as Ryou tightened his grip spitefully. "Why do you even care?"

Ryou stared. "Because, Kura," he said slowly. "Yami/Hikari is the natural order of things. Anyone who gets in the way..." He drew a finger across his throat.

Bakura smiled. He like the evil psychotic murderous side of Ryou. He was so gorgeous when he was pissed off.

Seto suddenly smashed through the window on a surfboard. "Yo yo wassup?!" he yelled.

"HE HAS PIZZA!" screeched Jou, attempting to mimic the happy dance. Ryou laughed scornfully.

"You suck." he sneered, doing the slow-mo hair-flick.

Yugi sighed and walked out with a mop to wipe up Bakura's drool. 

Yami bounded out, grinning. "Yugi... where are you going? Yugi, where are you going again? Are you going for a swim?" 

Yugi only smiled and kept mopping.

"WAS IT THE CHAD?!" screamed Yami, overdoing it. 

"The Chad was great." Yugi repiled, his voice shaking with suppressed laughter. 

"Was he now?" asked Yami, his voice sinking to a silky tone. He moved and put his arms around Yugi's waist. "How great?" he whispered.

"... Really really." Yugi said, looking ecstatic. Yami smiled and kissed him.

"YAY!" cheered Ryou, grabbing Bakura and doing the happy dance with him. 

"Hey, Ryou, can you teach me to do the happy dance and the slow-mo hair-flick?" asked Jou.

Ryou stopped dancing and glared. "No, you imbecile, for only I and occasionally my yami may do the happy dance, and only I may do the slow-mo hair-flick. Only I. For if anyone else attempts them, they will die a horrible horrible death. Or be forced to live with Rove... but that's a different story..."

"Awww, raspberries!" whined Jou, snapping his fingers.

Seto ran into the kitchen arrange the pizzas.

The doorbell rang.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" screamed Mai, doing a headcount. "We're all here..." she said.

Yami stared at the door. "I think..." he said, petrified.

Yugi's eyes grew wide. "Um, Yami, what's wrong? Talk to me, don't do that..."

Jou grimaced. "Someone open the door..." he said. Everyone looked at him. "No!" he cried.

Seto suddenly returned from the kitchen, stark raving drunk, smashed. off his head, with little parasols stuck in his hair and a Vodka Cruiser in his hand. "_ALL WE ARE SAAAAAAYYYYYING.... IS GIVE PIE A CHANCE...." _ he sung drunkenly.

"... He managed to get drunk in the last three minutes..." Honda said, bewildered.

"Honda, get the door." snapped Yugi.

"But-"

"GET THE DOOR!" Yugi screamed.

"Meep!" whimpered Honda, going to the door and throwing it open. "ARGH!" he screamed, slamming it.

Seto hiccuped, then giggled. "Aw, Marcia, don't neglect our guests..." he drawled, opening the door again. He dropped the Cruiser. "HOLY GOOD GOD SHIT!" he screamed.

"Hey, Seto-" Yami said furiously, jabbing a finger at Yugi. "INNOCENT IN THE-" He groaned. "Oh, no...." he said. "Not them..." He buried his face in his hands. "SHE'S DIED TWICE ALREADY!" he screamed. "AND THE OTHER ONE'S JUST..."

Yugi peered around Seto. "... Anzu and Rebecca." he said, shivering. "Oh Good God this is gonna get messy..."

END CHAPTER 4


	5. There's something about BosniaHerzegovin...

Cheezels!

Chapter 5 - There's Something About Bosnia-Herzegovina...

Yami's eyes were wide and panicky. "I knew this was gonna happen," he whispered.

"How did you know?" asked Mai, surprised.

Yami darted his eyes. "The Matrix told me..." he said.

Yugi sighed. "Yami, shut up about the freakin' Matrix." 

Yami turned his eyes downward. "I'm sorry..." he said quietly.

"Oh... Yami, don't get upset... I like the Matrix, too..." Yugi said, hugging him.

"Hullo Yami!" squealed Anzu, latching onto him. Yami shuddered.

Yugi scowled. "Get the hell off him!" he snapped.

Anzu gave him a cold look. "Just because you like me..."

Yugi stared, then wretched and fled to the kitchen. Yami clipped Anzu in the head.

"Don't be ridiculous!" he cried. "Although, it's a bit difficult, isn't it, I mean, just being alive makes you ridiculous..."

Ryou tensed as Rebecca approached him. "GET LOST!" he yelled, curling up into a ball and putting his hands over his ears.

"This old man, he played one," Rebecca began singing, and Ryou screamed in horror. "He played knick-knack on my thumb, with a knick-knack, paddy-whack, give a dog a bone, this old man came rolling home! This old man, he played two..."

Bakura leant against the wall. "Well, Ryou, that cleaver's lookin' pretty good now, eh?" he smirked.

"SAVE ME!" cried Ryou.

"Save YOU?!" yelled Yami. "Save YOU?! WHAT ABOUT ME?!"

"Aw, Yami, don't you love me?" asked Anzu.

"NO, I DON'T, NOW GO TO HELL WHERE YOU BELONG!" 

"I knew I was wrong to doubt you." Anzu smiled, and the big mirror on the wall cracked.

"I JUST BOUGHT THAT!" yelled Seto, outraged.

"This old man, he played nine, he played-"

Bakura suddenly launched into a spectacular Charlie's Angels type action sequence, and managed to get Rebecca pinned to the wall.

"Who do you work for?" he demanded. "Tell me, if you value your life."

Rebecca stared silently. Bakura groaned. "Tell me, if you value your teddy's head." He gestured to Yugi, who had returned from the kitchen and was holding teddy and looking very menacing indeed.

Rebecca shrieked. "I'll tell you! I'll tell you everything! Just don't hurt teddy!"

Bakura smirked and eyed her. 

"Yami Clone sent me."

Yami smacked his forehead. "And after I started to think that was a hallucination... the bastard's back..." 

Anzu looked upset. "Yami, who is this Yami Clone that's making you sad?"

Yami glared. "He's my freakin' mother..." he sighed sarcastically.

"Well, I think you should trust in friendship and work this out." Anzu said. "I mean, friendship is what-"

"DON'T START THAT FRIENDSHIP CRAP!" yelled Yami, blocking his ears. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" he continued, looking ready to cry.

Yugi glared at Anzu. "Look what you've done!" he cried. "You've made him upset, you evil latecomer!"

Yami suddenly scowled. "Frickin' latecomers, I hate 'em!" he snapped, shaking his fist.

Yugi pointed. "Anzu's a latecomer." 

Yami froze, then gave her an evil look. "Yes. Yes she is."

"Yami, you suck." said Rebecca. 

Yugi glared, then ripped off teddy's head. "You're goin' down." he hissed.

"NO!" screamed Rebecca. 

Yugi advanced on Rebecca, smirking.

Yami watched, all misty-eyed. "Aww, he's gonna kill someone. Isn't that cute?" he cooed.

Bakura nodded. "Aye," he said in an Irish accent. "I remember the first time Ryou killed someone. I was so proud."

Yami and Bakura nodded, sighing.

Yami then looked sharply at Bakura. "Why are you speaking like an Irishman?" 

Bakura grinned, embarrassed. "Well, Ireland's mad..."

Yami shrugged. "Fair enough..." 

"Sorry..." said Bakura.

"No, don't apologize." insisted Yami. "Ireland's pretty good."

There was suddenly a strangled scream from Rebecca, and everyone looked.

Yami blinked. "Ya know, there's something ironic about having the head of the thing you love being shoved down your throat..."

"Yeah," said Bakura, nodding. "But that's genius."

"Yami, I love you." said Anzu suddenly.

Yami shuddered in disgust. "Don't scare me..." he said.

Mai sighed. "This is all pointless bashing.." she pointed out.

"Yeah, she said that after a couple of deaths, the story will go back to its plotline..." Bakura repiled.

"Who's 'she'?" asked Honda.

"Plotline?" asked Yugi.

Bakura smacked Honda in the head. "'SHE' IS THE AUTHOR!" he yelled. "GROW A BRAIN!" He paused, and turned to Yugi. "But you have a point with the plotline..." he said.

Yami blinked. "Are we still going to the beach with Jamie?" he asked.

"Yeah..." repiled Bakura. "'Cept for Honda."

"WHY?" demanded the guy with the spiky hair.

Bakura clapped a hand to his mouth. "Oh..." he gasped. "I just... aw... damnitt..." 

Honda glared firmly. "Bakura, why am I not going to the beach?"

Bakura stammered, then said, "Um... because... there's... not enough room for you in Jamie's car! Yeah! The seating arrangements have been worked out and you'll have to catch a taxi or something..."

Honda blinked, then shrugged. "Whatever..."

Bakura grinned, satisfied with himself.

How brilliant was he?

Anzu asked, "Am I going to the beach?"

Bakura smiled eerily. "Well, if you survive the night, which you most probably won't, yes, but- I can't give away any more of the plot, or else she'll force me into a bunny suit."

"That's not so bad..." said Seto.

"It is if you're forced to prance around singing Avril Lavigne's entire album backwards..." 

Seto shuddered. "Don't say that, I have very bad recollections..."

Bakura stared. "Riiiight."

Yugi shoved Anzu off Yami and practically merged their forms as he clung to him. "My yami." he hissed angrily. 

Anzu suddenly produced a gun and fired it, smirking. Yugi screamed and fell over backwards.

It was very dramatic.

Everyone gasped.

Seto knocked it out of her hand. "No guns!" he snapped.

Yami cried out. "YOU BITCH! YOU EVIL BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS, I SWEAR-" Bakura tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a pickaxe. "Or that..." he said, grinning.

FIVE BLOODY SECONDS LATER...

Bakura nodded. "What a fine job he's done- look at the care and passion he's used." He gestured to the body, and everyone clapped.

Yami approached Yugi. "Yugi?" he whispered, touching his face.

Yugi remained stiff, his eyes staring at the ceiling.

"Don't do this to me..." Yami pleaded. "I love you..."

Ryou sniffed, then grabbed Bakura's sweater and blew his nose on it. Bakura stepped away, looking in disgust at the mucus. 

"Ryou, this sweater is cashmere..." he said dejectedly. "You've ruined it now, ruined it I tell you." He punched the wall. "RUINED IT!"

"It's so sad..." sobbed Ryou. Bakura abandoned his rage and hugged him.

"It'll be okay, don't cry..." he said soothingly. 

Yugi suddenly sat up. "Just tricking!" he said brightly.

"AH, YUGI!" yelled Yami, jumping. He hugged him and kissed him on the lips. "Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ..."

TWO HOURS LATER...

"...ever ever do that again!" he said. "I thought she killed you!"

Bakura scowled. "You mean I have mucus on my shirt for nothing?" he demanded.

Yugi looked apologetic. "Sorry, Bakura..." He giggled. "But it was funny when you all started freaking out. She missed me by heaps." He blinked and looked with some disgust at Yami's hands. "You're up to your elbows in blood." he pointed out.

Yami looked and blushed. "I'm going to the bathroom...." he muttered, walking off, embarrassed. 

Seto screamed out. "OH NO! THE OTHER MING VASE!" he yelled, grabbing his hair in frustration. "IT GOT SHOT! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!?"

"I notice that you didn't seem to be screaming when we all thought Yugi got shot." said Ryou accusingly.

Set blinked. "Um... well... that.... ya see... I was... shocked... and paralysed with grief. Yes... paralysed with grief."

Jou tapped Seto on the shoulder. "Have you ever wanted to kiss someone?"

Awkward silence.

Seto blushed. "Um... how do you mean?"

"I mean-"

"Free, free... set them free..." Yugi jumped in hastily, shoving Jou into a wall and giving him a dirty look.

"Sting?" asked Honda, raising an eyebrow. 

Yugi glared. "Hey, I'm not the one hanging on to I Am Pegasus (My Name Means Horse)..." 

Honda sniffled. "You don't have to rip me off!" he cried, running away.

Yami returned, wondering how his fringe had suddenly gone purple.

He asked this question, and everyone shrugged.

Yugi sighed. "It's a very sad world where I can make people cry.

Yami blinked. "No, you're scary." he said, keeping a straight face. 

Yugi shoved him. "Liar."

"I'm not lying. You are. Never again will I interrupt you during a mint assignment..."

Yugi shook his head, smiling.

"I mean, a simple, "Yami, get lost," would have done, but was it necessary to-"

"OKAY, that's enough," Yugi said, clamping a hand over Yami's mouth, aware that Mai and Jou were listening intently.

Seto headed towards the kitchen.

"And where the hell are you going?" asked Yugi suspiciously.

Seto stopped. "Look, this is my house."

/Not for much longer, mwahaha..../ Yugi said darkly in Yami's mind.

//... I'm just gonna ignore that...// 

/Get the hell out of my mind!/

//Ryou?//

/Yeah, that's me./

//What the hell, why can I hear Yami and Yugi?//

/Can the readers actually understand who's who?/

//I doubt it...//

/They really should've used separate symbols.../

//She.//

/What?/

//Not THEY, SHE...//

/Oh, yeah..../

//I can't even tell who's who anymore...//

/Well, I think I'm Bakura.../

//No, you're not, I am!//

//No, I am!//

/SHUT UP! I CAN'T THINK!/

/You shut up, Pharaoh!/

/I'M NOT YAMI, I'M RYOU!/

/... I thought I was-/

/Well, you're not, so shut the hell up!/

//So who am I?//

//Like I know...//

//Who says I was asking you?//

/Well, who were you asking?/

//Ryou.//

/That's me./

/Maybe we should revert back to normal speech.../

/Maybe./

"What the hell was that?" asked Yami, rubbing his head. 

"That's what I'd like to know." repiled Mai.

"You heard?" asked Ryou.

"No, but all four of you spaced out. Just stopped functioning." 

Bakura held up his bleeding wrist. "Who did this?" he asked, looking ready to kill someone.

Honda raised his hand. Bakura twitched.

"You have three seconds to come up with a good explanation."

"Well, I-" Honda began.

"TOO LATE!" screamed Bakura, diving on him.

Everyone stared in horror as Bakura drew a knife from the pocket of his mucus-covered sweater.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" shrieked Ryou.

Bakura looked up. "But he-" he began to protest.

"I don't care! You do not stab people with knives!"

Bakura pouted, then made a sudden movement and slashed off Honda's hair.

Ryou shook his head. "Oh, God..." he sighed.

"DIE!" screeched Bakura, stabbing him with his hair.

Ryou's jaw dropped. "..."

Yami began laughing. "Oh, THAT is GENIUS...." he cried, applauding. "Re, what an ingenious way kill someone..." Yugi looked at him, worried.

Ryou slumped. "What did I just say?" he asked sadly.

Bakura felt a little guilty. "Aw... you didn't say anything about stabbing people with their own hair..."

Ryou considered. "You're right." he said, blinking. "Well... okay, then..."

"Exactly how many deaths are there going to be tonight?" asked Jou impatiently. 

Yami cleared his throat. "I won Wimbledon." he said proudly.

Bakura looked scathing. "No, baka, you didn't. It was that Roger Federer guy."

Yami went all scary. "I AM Roger Federer... mwahaha...."

Bakura looked pityingly at him. "No, you're not."

Yami looked sad. "No, I'm not..."

"Why would you wanna be him?"

"'Cuz he won Wimbledon, der."

"There are many people who won Wimbledon. Why him?"

"I don't know..."

"You know our mental links are- GET BACK HERE, SETO, YOU STILL HAVEN'T SAID WHERE YOU'RE GOING!" screeched Yugi.

Seto broke into a run. "I HAVE TO GET SMASHED AGAIN! YOU'RE ALL DRIVING ME INSANE!"

"NO!" yelled Yugi. He turned to Yami. "Do something." 

Yami looked despairingly at him, then sighed. "I'm sorry Seto." he said sadly.

A purple anvil suddenly fell out of the sky and missed Seto by an inch.

"WHOA!" yelled Seto, skidding to a halt.

Yami looked dismayed. "It missed..." he sighed.

Bakura's eyes widened. "Cool." he said. "Can you teach me how to do that?"

Yami shrugged. "I guess... but I want your immortal soul."

"I'll pass, thanks..." Bakura said dryly. 

"Your loss. I've taken over many countries with that." Yami said monotonously.

Bakura froze, then scowled. "If you _touched_ Bosnia-Herzegovina-"

"'Kura, I told you to leave the Bosnians alone!" snapped Ryou. "It's not their fault Pete Sampras retired!"

Bakura sniffed, and wiped a tear from his eye. "So many memories..." he spaced out, evidently going on a trip down memory lane. "I remember watching him win his seventh Wimbledon... I cried..."

Yami seemed touched. "So did I." he confessed.

"Oh, my GOD..." thought Yugi and Ryou, giving each other a worried look.

"And he finally proved them all wrong when he won the US Open last year..." sighed Bakura.

"Yes. It was just magical, wasn't it?" asked Yami.

"I LOVE TALKING TO YOU!" yelled Bakura, hugging him.

"SAME!" They both burst into tears. 

"Okay, getting a leetle weird now..." Yugi said, grabbing Yami's arm. 

"NO!" protested Yami. "TENNIS!"

"There's a closet over there." Yugi said.

"So wha-" Yami froze. "_Oh._ Oh. I'M THERE!" he bolted for it.

Yugi giggled and followed.

Bakura looked crushed. "He just left me..." he sobbed.

"Oh, snap out of it, 'Kura, you have me, don't you?" asked Ryou, putting an arm around his shoulder.

Bakura paused. "Yes. Yes I do." 

"Youse are all crazy..." said Seto. "All of youse..." 

"SETO, STOP TALKING LIKE A GREEK PERSON!" yelled Jou, snapping him.

BACK WITH OUR EVIL WANNABES....

"Where the HELL is Yami Clone?!" demanded Evil Seto.

"I don't know..." repiled Rex, stretching out on the couch. 

Weevil shoved a nail through his thumb. "That is NOT like the movie..." he said as blood began rushing out.

"NO! I JUST FINISHED CLEANING THE FRICKIN' TABLE!" shrieked Rex, outraged.

The phone rang, and Pegasus picked it up.

"Why, hello, this is the STF HQ, how may I help you today?" he said brightly.

"Uh... can you put Weevil on the phone?" said a raspy voice.

"Yes. Whom shall I say is calling?"

"... Some dude."

"WEEVIL! IT'S SOME DUDE!" Pegasus yelled, holding out the phone.

Weevil took it with his non-bleeding hand. "Yello?" he said.

He paused as he listened, getting slowly paler, then set the phone down in its cradle.

"What-" began Pegasus, before he was interrupted by him screaming.

BACK AT SETO'S...

Yami opened the door, and he and Yugi emerged.

"What the hell were you doing in there?" asked Ryou, thinking he had a pretty good idea.

Yami sighed and wordlessly held up a Chinese checkers board. 

Boy, was Ryou wrong...

"NEVER try to play this in the dark..." Yugi said seriously.

Yami tensed. "Somebody had a loud screaming voice..." he said, rubbing his ears. "Ow..."

Bakura, however, was convulsing. "ARGH, THAT'S WAY TOO HIGH-PITCHED!" he yelled, shoving a pillow over his head.

Yugi blinked. "I can't hear anything..." he said, confused.

"HULLO!" shrieked Malik, waving in Seto's face.

Seto blanched, looking scared.

"Hey, hey, hey, Seto, how come you never said anything about this little shindig at your place?" demanded Marik, looking accusing.

"..."

"What the doodly-doo-shabbadoos is wrong with him?" demanded Malik.

"Are you on drugs?" asked Jou.

Malik shrugged. "Maybe... probably..."

Marik vibrated scarily. "Well, if drugs are those little bright pink and orange thingies that are all sour and that, then, yes, I am on drugs, and I am proud of it!"

"No, yami, those are Nerds." corrected Malik.

"Ah, yes, Nerds..." Marik said evilly.

He and his hikari proceeded to cackle evilly for a bit.

Yami cleared his throat. "I own Bosnia-Herzegovina..."

Marik looked disappointed. "Aw, damn..."

"And I have a clone."

There was silence.

"How'd ya get Bosnia-Herzegovina?" asked Marik.

"Why the hell does everyone want Bosnia-Herzegovina?" demanded Mai.

"Don't you KNOW?" asked the yamis as one voice, looking stunned.

"No." repiled Mai quickly.

They all made a noise of scorn, then huddled into a group, whispering.

"... Are they plotting?" asked Yugi incredulously.

"Together?" asked Ryou, in the same tone.

"Holy crap..." Malik said.

Bakura turned. "Could you... get out?" he asked. "We're busy..."

Ryou glared. "Oh? With what, exactly?"

"Stuff." 

"Stuff? STUFF?" Ryou's voice was starting to become strangely high-pitched. 

"Let's go, Ryou..." Yugi said, grabbing him by the collar and dragging him out.

"WELL-!" Malik clamped a hand over Ryou's mouth and assisted Yugi in dragging him from the room.

Bakura shook his head. "He looks cute and innocent, but he just goes crazy sometimes..."

Marik stared, then did the Darkwing Duck pose. "I am the lord of purple peppers, mwahahahahaha!"

Yami blinked. "... Okay, then...."

Bakura shrugged. "I say we challenge him to a tennis match."

"Yeah, then what do we do if he's... really good?" asked Marik.

Bakura blushed. "Shuttup." he grumbled. 

"Let's force him to read Stephen King!" suggested Yami, looking all evil.

"Stephen King isn't scary..." sighed Marik, looking incredulous. He giggled. "It's funny. Like in Children of the Corn, what they did to Vicky was just hilarious..."

Yami stared, then whistled and made the crazy sign. "That was sick..." he said.

"No, it was funny. I laughed out loud."

"You said you couldn't read!" cried Bakura.

Marik blinked. "No, dumbass, I said I didn't read if I could help it... but one day I was bored and Night Shift was just sitting there on the table-"

"We have vengeance plots to plan!" Yami interrupted.

"HANG-HANG-_**HANG**_!" shrieked Marik, miming using a chainsaw.

"Nah, it's been done..." Yami disagreed.

"Aw, picky-picky, Pharaoh..." muttered Marik.

"Yeah, excuse us for not BEING UP TO YOUR STANDARDS, OH GREAT ONE!" Bakura yelled sarcastically.

"Settle, Gretel..." Marik said. 

"My name isn't Gretel..." Bakura said, confused.

Yami and Marik rolled their eyes in exasperation. 

END CHAPTER 5


	6. Not So Like A Virgin

Yami: Why does Yugi get a vacation?

Mali: Because he has the bubonic plague...

Yami: When the hell did that happen?

Mali: (Shrugs) Thanks to-

Yami: Did you leave us food? For when you go back to school? 

Mali: I don't know. 

Yami: But-

Mali: Thanks to the people who wrote reviews for chapter 5. You're keeping this fic from dying in the arse.

Yami: What about me? Do you care if I die in the arse?

Mali: You can't die in the arse.

Yami: You don't care at all!

Mali: Yep, you're right. (Walks out)

Yami: Hey! Come back!

Mali: Nup. 

Yami: Wench... she doesn't own it, so let's all rejoice... (stalks off with pickaxe)

Cheezels!

Chapter 6 - Not So Like A Virgin

".... and then, I'm going along, it's a beautiful sunny day," Malik was saying to the people in the hallway, who were obviously bored. "And here I am, just doing nothing, minding my own business, when this guy comes up and says, "Would you like to buy some chocolate?" and I looked at him and said, "What kind of chocolate?" and he goes "White," and I said "Fair enough!" .... AND THEN I SNAPPED 'IM!" 

"Malik, how many people did you snap today?" Yugi asked, trying to get him to shut up.

"Oh, about seventy-seven..." Malik said. "And then, on the way to the bus stop, this guy comes up and goes, "Your eyes look weird!" and I looked at him and said, "Fair enough!"... AND THEN I SNAPPED 'IM!"

Everyone groaned and slumped into their various chairs and carpet.

"So, then, I'm in the bathroom, then Marik comes up and says, "Hey, Seto's having a party, and he didn't bother to tell us," and-"

"You said 'Fair enough!'... and THEN YOU SNAPPED 'IM!?" asked Ryou.

Maliik stared. "No... I said, "Okay, we'll have to crash it then," and he said, "Naturally," and then we laughed evilly for about fifteen minutes, then we went to Subway for lunch...."

"Subway?" asked Jou raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, yah, the sandwichy-y place." Malik shook his head. "Dumbass."

Jou opened his mouth with a comeback, but Yugi sighed. "Let it go, Jou, you won't win..." 

"Well, isn't that convenient?" snapped Mai.

Yugi blinked. "What's up yours?" he asked.

"My brother died seven years ago today..." Mai said sadly, brushing a tear from her eye.

"That mascara isn't waterproof..." Yugi said.

"How do you know?" asked Mai, surprised.

"Because it's running."

"OH MY GOD!" shrieked Mai hysterically, running off for the bathroom.

"Well, that got rid of her for a while..." Yugi said, bored out of his skull.

"Can we come back in now?" Ryou called, irritated.

"No!" yelled the three yamis in the other room.

"I'll snap yas!" threatened Malik.

"Malik, please. For the good of the world, shut the hell up." Ryou sighed, picking at his shirt. 

Malik gave him the finger in response. 

"Break it up..." Yugi sighed.

There was an awkward pause.

"So then, I'm at the shop, when suddenly, Russel Crowe comes up!" Malik continued excitedly. "So I went, "Hey, Rus', I liked Gladiator!' and he went "Fair enough!"... and- and then he snapped me..." he said miserably.

Yugi patted him on the back. "There, there..." he said. "Did you snap him back?"

Malik brightened up. "Nah, Marik got pissed and kinda killed him."

There was silence.

"... Marik killed Russel Crowe?" asked Jou, shocked.

"And then he dumped the body in a lake." repiled Malik, eyes growing wide with excitement. 

"You know, that's the kind of thing people notice..." pointed out Ryou.

"What?" asked Malik.

"Someone's gonna notice of ol' Rus' just vanishes off the face of the earth..."

Malik blinked. "Oh, well. People die all the time." he shrugged.

"Yeah, but-" began Ryou.

"Drop it." sighed Yugi. "It's boring now...."

Malik took out a Discman and began listening to it. "This doesn't seem to be working..." he said.

Ryou sighed. "You put the CD _in the Discman_."

Malik blinked, uncomprehending, giving Ryou a wide-eyed stare.

"Never mind..." Ryou sighed again.

"Can we acknowledge that I'm alive?" asked Seto suddenly.

Yami Clone ran in, screaming.

Malik looked confused. "But-" he said, pointing to the dining room.

Yugi looked at him, scowled, and pointed. "You." he said acidly. 

Yami Clone grinned. "Hullo." 

"I'm gonna... KILL YOU!" shrieked Yugi

Ryou reached out and grabbed the back of Yugi's shirt. "Down boy."

Malik shoved Ryou. "What are you doing?!" he demanded. "I needs death! DEATH, I TELLS YA!"

"You missed about seven deaths..." Jou sighed.

"AW, DAMMITT!" yelled Malik, outraged.

"It's your fault for showing up late..." Ryou said, shaking his head.

"... Technically, we weren't invited..." Malik said, looking at his shoes. "Ooh! When did I get these?"

"Didn't you invite them, Seto?" asked Jou accusingly. 

Seto blushed. "Ahaaaaa..." 

"Hey, can I join the party?" asked Yami Clone. "It's just that I'm kinda lonely and STF are losers."

"Then why the hell were you hanging around with them?" demanded Yugi.

Yami Clone shrugged. "I like pity."

"Fair enough!" said Malik, drawing back his fist.

Ryou shoved him, and he crashed into the wall, head-first.

"I'LL SNAP YOU IN THE STEAD OF HIM!" yelled Malik, looking about ready to explode. 

Yugi suddenly laughed. "In the stead of?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Malik glared at Ryou. "Wait there, I'll kill you in a second..." He walked slowly across to Yugi.

Yugi, however, looked at his watch, seemingly unafraid, counting the seconds. "Two, three, four..."

Marik suddenly walked in, along with Yami and Bakura. "We're done n- Hikari, what are you doing?"

"Committing murder." 

"Well, don't. Save it for Anzu."

"Anzu's dead." Ryou said. "She died... let me see... thrice." He held up three fingers.

"No, Anzu died twice and Tea died once..." corrected Jou.

"Same person..." sighed Ryou.

"Aw, _that's_ fair..." grumbled Marik. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe we wanted to join in?"

"Well, we're sorry..." snapped Yugi.

"Can I kill Yugi now?" asked Malik.

"No, leave him alone." Marik said firmly.

Malik growled.

"Down." snapped Marik, and Malik reluctantly backed off.

Yami Clone sighed sadly. "No one likes me..."

"That's not true." Ryou said blankly.

"Name one person in this room that likes me, then."

There was silence, and Yami produced a hatchet from somewhere, testing the blade with his finger.

"AHHHH!" he shrieked as blood started to flow.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Yugi. "YAMI, ARE YOU OKAY!?"

"I'm a prisoner of society..." Yami Clone lamented.

"AND IF YOU COUNT TO THREE- ONE TWO THREE!" yelled Malik. "YOU'LL SEE THAT-"

"Shut up, Malik..." sighed Ryou.

"I'm misunderstood. Just because I was artificially created, no one will give a chance..." sniffed Yami Clone.

Yami's eyes widened. "You feel like nobody understands you?" he asked.

"Yes!" cried Yami Clone.

Yami stared. "SO DO I!" he yelled.

Yugi blinked. "But-"

"It's just so hard..." sighed Yami Clone.

"I know, people think they know you, but they don't..."

"Um-"

"But it's not like you can correct them, is it?"

"Hey, Yami Clone," Yugi said suddenly. "Do you have a criminal record?"

Yami Clone thought. "I'm wanted for smuggling drugs." he said finally. "I'm known as Zsa-Zsa Jones to the authorities..."

Yami smirked. "Oh? Excuse me for a moment..." He walked into the living room, laughing hysterically.

Malik squealed. "Oooh, he's plotting someone's demise!" he said excitedly, shaking Marik. 

"I know." 

Yami stared worriedly after Yugi. "He's just become insane ever since this party started." He turned to Seto. "Did you lace the Skittles with drugs or something?"

Seto laughed in a high-pitched way. "What do you take me for? As if I'd have drugs..." He shifted uneasily. "Nope... no drugs here..."

The ceiling above them suddenly made a cracking noise, then collapsed, showering them with a type of plant.

"Eee... it's marijuana..." Yami Clone said, eyes wide.

"What, this?" asked Seto innocently. "No! This isn't-"

"Yes, it is." Yami Clone said insistently. 

Everyone jumped as sirens sounded.

"That can't be good..." said Yami Clone.

Malik suddenly ran over to the window. "Shiiiiinnnnyyy...." he said, eyes wide.

"What's shiny?" asked Bakura.

"Pretty lights..."

Yami Clone went stiff. "Lights? Are they blue and red?"

"THIS IS THE POLICE." said a voice over a loud speaker. "WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, ZSA-ZSA."

"Oh, shit..." Yami Clone said, breaking out in a sweat.

Yugi strolled casually back in. "Oh, what's this?" he asked. "The Feds? I wonder who tipped them off?"

Marik patted him on the back. "You jealous freak." he said.

Yugi grinned evilly. "It wasn't me." he said.

"Yes, it was." Marik repiled, shaking his head.

Yugi paused. "Yes. Yes it was."

Yami Clone suddenly leaped through the window, and ran away.

Bakura stared after him. "He'll be back," he said in an Austrian accent.

Yami's eyes misted over. "Aw, you're willing to send someone to prison just because they're spending time with me and you're getting shunned into a corner."

Yugi nodded. "Yup."

Yami grinned hugged him close. 

Ryou glared at his yami. "He hugs his hikari in public!"

"Yeah, yeah, it's all 'Yami's perfect 'cuz he acknowledges his love for his hikari!'" Bakura snapped. "Well, I'm sorry, bash me!"

"I'd stop saying that, he'll probably do it one day..." warned Marik.

"Probably?" asked Ryou.

"HE'S GONE!" yelled Jou helpfully.

The Feds roared away suddenly.

"... I can't believe they believed him..." Yugi said, awestruck.

"Why not?" asked Ryou.

"Well, would you?" 

Ryou considered this. "No." he said finally.

Mai suddenly ran in. "Guys, I've gotta go!" she yelled.

"Oh. Bye." said Seto.

"... Don't you care?" asked Mai, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, seriously, what purpose did you serve?" Seto inquired, shaking his head.

"At least she doesn't look like a serial rapist!" Malik jumped in. Marik rolled his eyes and shook his head.

The serial rapist theory... Malik had been rambling continuously about it for days now, and, quite frankly it was starting to irritate him.

"... What does one have to look like to resemble a serial rapist?" asked Seto.

"You tell me." said Malik coldly.

"...Maybe you should go lie down..." said Seto, worried, instantly regretting his words. Marik suddenly shoved earplugs into his ears.

"OH, REALLY!?" Malik screeched. "LIE DOWN!? AND WHERE, PRAY TELL?! ON YOUR BED, PERHAPS!? WHY DON'T I JUST TIE MYSELF DOWN TO SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE!?"

"Malik, I don't want to-"

"OH, SURE! SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO! THEN WHY ARE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?!"

"I have an expression of fear on my face."

"IF THAT'S FEAR, I'D HATE TO SEE PREDATO-"

"My brother's alive." Mai said, looking slightly annoyed.

"Really?" asked Malik, his mood instantly changing. Seto breathed a sigh of relief. "But you said he was dead." continued Malik.

"He just called my mobile." Mai repiled. 

"... Wow." Malik said, now bored.

"WHAT?" yelled Marik.

"I said 'wow.'"

"WHAT?" 

Malik sighed and ripped the earplugs out of his yami's ears, letting out a wordless scream in his ear.

Marik blinked. "I hear ring-ing..." he said painfully. "Ing-ing... ing-ing..."

Mai scowled. "I'm going to Mexico... you're stupid." She left the house.

MEANWHILE, BACK AT STF...

"Weevil, who was that on the phone?" asked Rex, snapping his fingers in front of his... associates eyes.

"The voice... the VOICE!" shrieked Weevil, huddling in his arm chair.

"THE VOICE!?" exclaimed Evil Seto, eyes wide.

"What's the voice?" 

"I don't know..."

"But you just said-"'

"I know what I said." said Evil Seto impatiently, going back to the internet.

Rex shook his head, then switched the radio on, and began tuning it.

"Awwwww, truckin' hell..." he sighed as the knob came off.

"Truckin'?" asked Pegasus, confused.

"Yeah, I suggest you go run in front of one." Rex replied.

Pegasus shrugged, and opened the door, running out.

Rex flinched as there was a screech of wheels and a scream. "Oh, well."

Evil Seto looked up. "That was mean."

Rex shrugged went over to him. "What are you on?" he asked, looking at the screen.

"I'm on addictivegames.com. There's this suicide bunny and-"

The window was suddenly kicked in.

"HELLO, GENTLEMEN!" shrieked a psychotic voice. 

"Hello." said Rex and Evil Seto together.

"Aw, damn, that never works..." grumbled the guy, who was dressed in a quilt and odd socks, walking out huffily.

"THE VOICE!" screamed Weevil.

Rex calmly shot him with a tranquilizer gun. "Whoops." he said. 

Pegasus walked back in, bleeding. "Hi." he said.

"I thought you died."

"Naw, I just got run down by a motorbike. I saw God."

"Fun." remarked Evil Seto.

"BUNNY!" shrieked Pegasus, running over excitedly and staring at the screen.

BACK AT SETO'S...

"Fair enough!" cried Malik, drawing back his fist once again. Yugi rolled his eyes and nimbly avoided being snapped, then hid behind Yami, who grabbed him and hissed angrily at Malik.

Marik sighed and grabbed his arm. "We need to talk." 

"No!"

"We need to _talk**.**_" said Marik again, slowly.

Malik stared at him, then grinned. "Okay."

Marik started to lead him out of the room.

"There's something very wrong about that tone of voice..." remarked Ryou.

"..." Bakura looked at him, hurt.

"Except when you use it." Ryou added, patting his arm.

Seto sighed and smacked his forehead. "Look, at least clean up when you're done! I don't appreciate having to redye the carpet..." he called after them.

"We'd go to the kitchen, but..." Marik pointed to the anvil.

Yugi looked at Yami, confused. Yami patted him on the back. "I'll explain later..." He smirked. "In graphic detail."

Bakura looked at him, shaking his head. "Don't be like that with the virgin..."

Yugi blushed. "Um... the funny thing is..." He trailed off, looking embarrassed. Yami stared it him, looking absolutely devastated.

Ryou grinned. "Who was it?" he demanded. "Who? Tell me."

Yugi hesitated, then pointed shyly at Yami, who fell over.

"WHAT?!" he shrieked. "WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!"

Yugi hesitated again. "You were... kinda... asleep... and you know how we share a bed..."

There was a brief silence.

Then Bakura began laughing, and Yami looked upset.

"Well, that explains where the blood came from..." he said dejectedly.

Seto shook his head. "I'm gonna have nightmares now..." he said, disgusted.

Ryou patted his friend (A/N: That's Yugi, folks, not Seto) on the back. "Don't worry." he said cheerfully. He looked at Yami. "You did have feelings for him, right? You didn't just-"

"Of course I did!" said Yami hotly. "What do you take me for?!"

Jou looked disturbed. "What do you think?" he spat.

They looked at each other awkwardly, when suddenly Malik and Marik walked back in.

"We couldn't find- what did we miss?" asked Marik. "Tell me. I need to know."

Everyone looked at Bakura, who looked annoyed. "What?" he snapped. Everyone continued their visual assault. "FINE! Come here, I'll explain..." He beckoned them out of the room.

A few minutes later...

"HE DID WHAT?!" shrieked Malik's voice.

"Yugi, I believe..." repiled Marik, sounding bored. He then began to giggle. 

Yami groaned and sank to the floor, burying his face in his hands.

Marik skipped in, grinning. "What kind of dreams do you _have_?"

Yami calmly gave him the finger, shielding his eyes with the other hand. 

Yugi was standing off to the side, looking guilty. He looked up just in time to see Jou walk over and kick Yami, and he jumped, shrieking. 

"What was that for!?" he demanded.

Jou shook his head disapprovingly. "You know what."

Yami looked at everyone in the room slowly.

"It's not my fault..." he muttered. "I don't control my actions in sleep..."

Marik stared, then began laughing hysterically. Yami sighed, sinking lower, and Yugi shook his head and sat next to him.

/I'm sorry./

//Why are you sorry? It's-//

/WE CAN HEAR TOO, REMEMBER?!/ Ryou glared at them.

Yami sighed, smiling half-heartedly at Yugi. "Maybe we should... go home?" he asked.

Yugi nodded. "Yeah. The first five minutes were good, but then it just became ridiculous..."

Yami rolled his eyes. "Let's go, then." 

"We're going!" announced Yugi.

Ryou looked at the clock. "Yeah, we better go too, 'Kura, Dad thinks I went to Scandinavia for a field trip... he's expecting me back... four hours... ago..." He went pale. "SHIT!" he screamed, grabbing Bakura and fleeing.

Seto looked at Marik and Malik. "You two can lave as well."

"But- but we just got here!" protested Malik.

"No, let's go, we can go to bed..." Marik said.

"But I'm not- okay." Malik repiled.

Seto watched them leave, shortly followed by Yami and Yugi, then turned to Jou.

"Uh... I have something to say..." he said hesitantly.

END CHAPTER 6

Mali: (Arm is bandaged) I think I might do a lemon.

Yami: ... No, you won't.

Mali: Yeah, I know... but it's a nice thought...

Yami: Depends on the pairing.

Yugi: (Walks in) Hi.

Yami: Wha? But you had the-

Yugi: Got better. 

Yami: In the last few minutes?

Yugi: Yeah.

Yami: Okay.

Mali: Next chapter, they're going to watch the sunrise!

Yugi: Sunshine!

Mali: And we'll see where Yami Clone went... and we'll basically tie up a lot of loose ends.

Yami: (Tying up Mali's plaits and singing) It was a little Spanish flea, a superstar he-

Mali: (Shoves him) GET AWAY!

Yugi: (Points to his hair) Play with my hair.

Yami: Oh? Which hair?

Yugi: Whichever you want...

Yami and Yugi: (Go somewhere)

Mali: ... Yes... oh, well, review :)


End file.
